03-29-2014, 01:30 AM
Hi Ryan,
There is a pretty good vibe going with this, but sometimes I felt that your rhymes felt forced. Since this is in novice, I'll not do line-by-line, but I did want to note that the portion that reads 'The man whom I will put out of MY misery' does not (in my opinion) need the CAPS on 'my'. Allow the simple meaning to soak into the reader a little more slowly.
Thank you for sharing.
There is a pretty good vibe going with this, but sometimes I felt that your rhymes felt forced. Since this is in novice, I'll not do line-by-line, but I did want to note that the portion that reads 'The man whom I will put out of MY misery' does not (in my opinion) need the CAPS on 'my'. Allow the simple meaning to soak into the reader a little more slowly.
Thank you for sharing.