Mentor: Pomology

[tectak]

Okay so I went through each and as best I am able took the words that gave the poem meaning & substance. Not sure that I was doing a very good job of separating the write from the read, but gave it a shot. (Kept the stanza and line layout so you could see where i had drawn the words from)

Pomology.
the beginning, Alma Ata, seed, branched, abundant springs.
Outstanding, wild woods, on the ridges, Tian Shan mountains, mother tree
Autumn
sweet, fragrance, forest, fermenting,
Pungent, thickets of apples, all directions, scent.
first fruit, Eden, flesh pierced, discarded.
fallen, plan, founding tree, descent,
from East to west, fruitful, eternity, final.

Exodus from Alma-Ata
Forests, Tian Shan Mountains, wild fruit trees, branches, families, seeds, break out, fragrant notes, blue print mother.
ridges, valleys, high reaches, tight knitted, arbours, sweet delight, first fruits, carried off,
De-fleshed, cast aside, seedlings, green leaves.
fallen, rejected, worm infested, premature, declining, The sound, thunder, pommice pits.

The last line to become the first line….
Here, eternity, final event, eternal loop, Self seeded, north to south, East to west, apple tree
trade routes, migrated, fruit wood, trail, impressions, listening.
Alma-Atta, fruitful family branches, mother tree.
Eternity, planted, seed, flesh, pierced, mountains of Tian-Shan, sound, green shoots, Eden’s gates.


Remove one of the senses
Wandering, trail, feel, rocks, litter the floor, forest, Leafy, crunch, rustle, labours, travelled.
Blind, light
away, Alma-Ata, deeper, wild woods, mountains in my mind, covered, crisp, clear, upon my skin, warm; alive, sound, fruit drops.
Outstretched limbs, Surround sound.

Words & ideas that are strong / persistent through collective writes.
I have to confess that I am finding it hard to sort through the combined lists. Although the poems are all written from the same base image /idea they each seem to have a separate identity – all of which now feel valid. Just saying the editing process is hard, you get attached to a certain line or phrase and walking away from them is not so easy…even when you know they do not fit or they are complete crap. (I’ve always had a heart for the broken and overlooked things in life – and I’m a bit of a hoarder!)

Got confused doing this so I ended up putting the ideas into sub-groups. (Note they are double listed if I felt they were used with a double meaning /as a metaphor).

The physical place / aspects of the area: –Alma-Atta, Tian Shan mountains, ridges, valley, wild woods, forest, a vast area.

Misc fruit trees / wood descriptors: –pear, plum peach, apricot (although on my read none of these felt important to the read).

Apple tree :-falling apples (many), dropping, decay, The process of being consumed – pierced, peeled, cored, branches, mother tree (blue print) – family branches, leaves, arbour, spliced (pleached), covering or canopy overhead image, a sense of scale – multiples so fruit tree forest or woods and these are untamed / wild. Thicket, intermingled. Seed, shoot, green leaves, regeneration. A spreading, migrating or populating image - global.

The senses: –sound, look, smell descriptors all linked to the fruit or tree related. (Although I highlighted the words on the individual poems as important, for this list it is more the image they carry rather than any one individual word hence I have not listed them here)

A journey: -Exploring / discovery, a path / road, wondering, beginning, an end.

Metaphors for life /spiritual aspects: -Eden (Tian Shan mountains), eternity (a loop), green shoots, springs, a plan, fallen, pierced flesh, seed. Mother tree. Mountains or high ridges & valleys. A final event. Decay a pit. A journey with a beginning and a final event and divergent or different path options within this.

Overall and looking at it now, I would say it is the progression of the story that is standing out to me as the key element of the poem. (and one of my problems with the poem has perhaps occurred to me – this poem is jumping from past/ present to future within the story conception ideas).
Start in Eden / Tian-Shan mountains. Mother tree / family. (Big picture past & present image).

A sense of scale…big family! (Present image)
A look at the details - beauty, abundance, pleasure. (Perceived through the senses – a now image)
A migration and a look at the process of transport. The path. (Past image)
A sense of all is not well – decay and de-fleshing, death. (on going image)
A rebirth, new growth, return to Eden. (A future image)

(But then immediately I look at this list and think I am back to over processing and sucking the life out of the poem – I think I am stuck in a loop here and perhaps have missed what I am meant to be doing at this stage).

Agreed Go with Todd.
Best and glad you are back,
tectak