10-15-2013, 05:22 PM
Malu,
Thanks for your comments.
"solace used last line, possibly this line could use a different word"
That's possible, I have thought about it. On the positive side I like that it connects the one stanza to the next. One the negative side, it is a repeated word close together, however I'm not sure I want to change it simply because of a rule/conceit.
"to make hollow, at first didn't think it was the best choice, but now I see how perfect of a word that is for the meaning here"
At first I had "parted" instead of "clave". I changed it primarily to smooth out the line by removing the extra syllable. I'm still not sure if "parted" hurts the reading all that much.
Thanks again,
Dale
Thanks for your comments.
"solace used last line, possibly this line could use a different word"
That's possible, I have thought about it. On the positive side I like that it connects the one stanza to the next. One the negative side, it is a repeated word close together, however I'm not sure I want to change it simply because of a rule/conceit.
"to make hollow, at first didn't think it was the best choice, but now I see how perfect of a word that is for the meaning here"
At first I had "parted" instead of "clave". I changed it primarily to smooth out the line by removing the extra syllable. I'm still not sure if "parted" hurts the reading all that much.
Thanks again,
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.