10-03-2013, 12:29 PM
Oh yes, that makes sense 
It's so vivid now! I guess I have to give my feedback 
. "with cares" is unfamiliar to me, should it be "who cares?" I don't know :/. the rhyme whore and door is actually quite chilling, and doesn't detract from the dead body at all. "a door open behind" opens? I really don't have much to say, it doesn't seem like it's in need of much workshopping.
It's so vivid now! I guess I have to give my feedback . "with cares" is unfamiliar to me, should it be "who cares?" I don't know :/. the rhyme whore and door is actually quite chilling, and doesn't detract from the dead body at all. "a door open behind" opens? I really don't have much to say, it doesn't seem like it's in need of much workshopping.