05-11-2013, 11:57 AM
Brilliant title! It was easy to read, though I tripped a few places, because of the lack of punctuation. I think some periods or maybe dividing it into stanzas could make it easier to read as poetry (I see you said lyric at the top). The rhymes I think work well and benefits the overall flow.
Your theme I think is described in a refreshing way, some places with a funny tone, that I think fits well with the poem. I'm sorry I don't really have any constructive criticism, I'm awfully tired and my head's not working. Maybe it's time for 'Drifting towards coma/The sweet Mary Jane you love'.
Thanks for the read.
Your theme I think is described in a refreshing way, some places with a funny tone, that I think fits well with the poem. I'm sorry I don't really have any constructive criticism, I'm awfully tired and my head's not working. Maybe it's time for 'Drifting towards coma/The sweet Mary Jane you love'.
Thanks for the read.