04-30-2013, 10:43 PM
The use of the universe (the most infinite form yet known) and the soul, a simple star alone in the universe's dictum, is creative canvass to work a poem around.
Take my critiques for what you think they are worth...
Are the two parts ("galaxies") being pushed together by gravity man's soul and mind? If so, at first you call them a star and a nebula; “The young man's soul is a star” … “The young man's mind resides in a nebula nearby”.
But then you call them (the soul/star and mind/nebula) galaxies and that where they meet is in the heart, the same place where heaven and hell come together. “..the two galaxies to collide at the young man's heart The site where heaven meets hell.”
I would stay consistent or describe their change of form from star/nebula to galaxies, or how they accumulated become galaxies.
I will let others critique your form, meter, and method.
Take my critiques for what you think they are worth...
Are the two parts ("galaxies") being pushed together by gravity man's soul and mind? If so, at first you call them a star and a nebula; “The young man's soul is a star” … “The young man's mind resides in a nebula nearby”.
But then you call them (the soul/star and mind/nebula) galaxies and that where they meet is in the heart, the same place where heaven and hell come together. “..the two galaxies to collide at the young man's heart The site where heaven meets hell.”
I would stay consistent or describe their change of form from star/nebula to galaxies, or how they accumulated become galaxies.
I will let others critique your form, meter, and method.