Posts: 22
Threads: 7
Joined: Apr 2013
It would be a lie for me to say that Poe's The Raven did not influence this piece. Anyways, enjoy.
A Theory
In the hours, dim and dreary
Sat I, with a theory
On the world, and her violence
And all of the futileness.
At came to me, as a raven
Approaching me, really quite craven.
And when He arrived, like the night,
He seemed to cover, and block the light.
And the raven turned, and began to fly,
Leaving me, in the darkness to die.
Posts: 36
Threads: 4
Joined: Apr 2013
Do not let your theory kill you, it is just a theory. Good poem!
Posts: 326
Threads: 90
Joined: Apr 2013
Hi Ajax, I like the opening line to this poem, it draws me in straight away.
Just needs some work on the metre and the rhyme of "violence" and "futileness" doesn't work.
wae aye man ye radgie
Posts: 22
Threads: 7
Joined: Apr 2013
(04-27-2013, 07:54 AM)ambrosial revelation Wrote: Hi Ajax, I like the opening line to this poem, it draws me in straight away.
Just needs some work on the metre and the rhyme of "violence" and "futileness" doesn't work.
Okay, thanks I ill try to fix that up, and come up with a better rhyme. Thanks for the comments!
Posts: 280
Threads: 42
Joined: Mar 2013
I think it's a nice poem
I'm not sure if it needs all the commas.
"At came to me, as a raven".. That line confused me. Should "At" be "It"?
Posts: 22
Threads: 7
Joined: Apr 2013
(04-27-2013, 11:31 PM)Volaticus Wrote: I think it's a nice poem I'm not sure if it needs all the commas.
"At came to me, as a raven".. That line confused me. Should "At" be "It"?
Yeah, it should. Embarrassing that i didn't realize that earlier. Thanks for the comment!
It's a very bumpy meter. And the rhymes don't add much. All that gets in the way of whatever story you want to tell.
Seems a lot of people are stuck in the Raven's shadow. But you have to find the substance that forms that shadow, then get past it. Poe was more than a "jingle-man", but this poem doesn't get that far.
