Puzzled (first edit)

[Volaticus]

Hi Sorry for not coming back earlier to answer the question. Sometimes i forget where i have been!

What I meant by the subtler and less tight shifts was in referance to your concept of flowing in repitition from one line to the next. I liked the non full repititions. So for example

Lost within a second,
Seconds lost within,
Within; eternal tear,
A tear of love and sin. In stanza 1 you keep to exact word repititions (give or take an odd "s" for plural)

Sins and deep devotion,
Devotion deep with fear,
Fear, to feel deliv'rance,
Deliberate and clear.

Clarity in voices, But by stanza 3 you have relaxed this and clear becomes clarity and luminosity becomes Luminous.
Voices shouting tales,
Tales of luminosity,
Luminous and dim.

I thought that the more relaxed approach worked better in terms of read / flow and for interest.

All the best AJ.

Hi AJ,
No need to say sorry And thanks for clarifying it to me. Now I know what you mean, and I agree. It works better overall, when most of the words aren't being repeated in the exact same way