i get that it's about a drugs
but it feels like it's try too hard to work.
Twisting, thorny, overgrown trails
Stuffy, crowded gold paved sidewalks
Cloud stairways clogged with tangeled limbs.
it feels very list like, how was it stuffy, how did it twist, where do the gold side walks fit in, it needs to capture us, to make us think and nod knowingly or pull back in revulsion etc. it needs depth. the lines below is an image you could build the poem round. check your spelling; traveller, tangled
The dirty traveler looks on
Pinholes of blood on tattered sleeves
good effort
but it feels like it's try too hard to work.
Twisting, thorny, overgrown trails
Stuffy, crowded gold paved sidewalks
Cloud stairways clogged with tangeled limbs.
it feels very list like, how was it stuffy, how did it twist, where do the gold side walks fit in, it needs to capture us, to make us think and nod knowingly or pull back in revulsion etc. it needs depth. the lines below is an image you could build the poem round. check your spelling; traveller, tangled
The dirty traveler looks on
Pinholes of blood on tattered sleeves
good effort