03-28-2013, 09:11 AM
tricklin down your nose. No, i don't want that. but that's just me.
no one wants me to get into this:
a break of a smile ... trickling down your nose.
Nope.
But the next line is good:
(are we in serious?)
" Waterfalls of bygones drown the air around us"
very good!
"the dust on my lips aches to be made warm
in the strength of your arms, don’t let go.
The dizzy dance ensues and the music spins louder
and somehow my feet know step 1, 2 and 3
can’t you see that I’m still shaky with fever?
and all of those who stepped on your frail toes
left you wet and broken and all mine, all mine.
You’re still the best dancer in this part of town
but the thing is, I can’t bear your silence this time."
I love this. But for "ensue"
To me this is a very good poem. Thank you.
no one wants me to get into this:
a break of a smile ... trickling down your nose.
Nope.
But the next line is good:
(are we in serious?)
" Waterfalls of bygones drown the air around us"
very good!
"the dust on my lips aches to be made warm
in the strength of your arms, don’t let go.
The dizzy dance ensues and the music spins louder
and somehow my feet know step 1, 2 and 3
can’t you see that I’m still shaky with fever?
and all of those who stepped on your frail toes
left you wet and broken and all mine, all mine.
You’re still the best dancer in this part of town
but the thing is, I can’t bear your silence this time."
I love this. But for "ensue"
To me this is a very good poem. Thank you.