03-25-2013, 05:19 AM
Hi Tommy, this poem is both funny and poignant, and the more I read it the more I like it. My brain works kind of like that. ;p
A few little things: it seems like the poem can't make up its mind whether to rhyme or not... I had a hard time with that. Also:
"Enjoying that my ideas have flown away
Who gave the list a voice inside my head?
“Was it me? Did I do that?” I ask the list."
These lines are a bit weak for me. The first doesn't flow well, and the question isn't as clear as it could be. The first few times I read it I wasn't sure what the writer was asking himself. It's your poem, so I don't want to give you suggestions of how I would write it, but if you reworked these three lines I think it'd become much stronger overall.
Anyway thanks for the enjoyable read. =]
A few little things: it seems like the poem can't make up its mind whether to rhyme or not... I had a hard time with that. Also:
"Enjoying that my ideas have flown away
Who gave the list a voice inside my head?
“Was it me? Did I do that?” I ask the list."
These lines are a bit weak for me. The first doesn't flow well, and the question isn't as clear as it could be. The first few times I read it I wasn't sure what the writer was asking himself. It's your poem, so I don't want to give you suggestions of how I would write it, but if you reworked these three lines I think it'd become much stronger overall.
Anyway thanks for the enjoyable read. =]
_______________________________________
The howling beast is back.
The howling beast is back.