03-23-2013, 05:14 AM
(03-23-2013, 04:51 AM)Tommy Wrote: My fingers peck at the keysI love this. I empathise with this. I think I'd perhaps take "falling" out of the second line. Also, I think ideas flying away is a little too much of a fanciful image to capture the frustration and self-flagellation of the poem... I think it needs something more strained... "my ideas have slunk away"? But that's not right either... Any ideas?
Much slower than the rush of ideas falling from my head
Why didn’t I learn to type better?
I will put it on the list
The list of things I don’t do very well
Which grows longer and louder each day
Mocking me.
I had something better to say
But I’ve forgotten it while I thought about the list
The list is smiling in that knowing way
Enjoying that my ideas have flown away
Who gave the list a voice inside my head?
“Was it me? Did I do that?” I ask the list.
The list just smiles and says, “Tennis!”
The list adds tennis to the list.

