It Is Death

[seriouslyme]

Thank you so much for your comments... I am glad you enjoyed reading it and I will definitely take those changes into consideration. I oftentimes will rewrite when I haven't read a poem for a long time. This one goes back for me a few years, so maybe an edit is due. = )

Heather

Very powerful and moving poem. Can really feel the sense of loss. I like the idea that it feels like the deceased is still a ghost within the house, but also the living person feels like a ghost themself

I am alone now
standing in a crowded room
with everyone but you
and I can't see them

I agree with Todd in rearranging the first stanzas lines to get a more powerful image.

the 2nd stanza it sounds like there's an accidental rhyme...

The door will open
The phone will ring
And for a brief moment
It is you, until the
memory comes flooding.

perhaps it was intentional...if so it might sound better 'flooding in'? if it's not intentional, perhaps change one of the words so it's not a rhyme...as there's no rhyme in rest of poem...

you are like dust swept away
words erased from a page

LOVE these two lines! the imagery is so strong...the sense of the deceased fading away. Slowly their scent/personality etc leaves the house...leaving it empty...and you really get a sense of this loss.


Love the poem though, really good imagery going on in there. Thanks for a great read!