The day you caught the train.
#1
Lace patterns project
on morning magnolia,
white cotton twists
tight to moist skin.

Street runs busy below,
scaling walls to chatter.
Your shape slides deep,
warmth sighs beneath.

A petal pressed in memories.
wafer thin shadows call time,
no final drop to sip,
my tongue tripped.

Slipped away with wine stains,
shiver drops a tear's cold trace,
embrace belies we that wake,
already in another place.

If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
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#2
There's so much I like about this poem.

S1 L3: Reflections of what? That confused me.
S2 L3-4: I love this image. Beautiful.
S3 L1-2: And this image too. But I think "minds" should "mind's". And the same in S4 L3 with 'tears'. But maybe I'm just reading it wrong, I'm not sure.

I very much enjoyed reading, and I think it has some strong images. Thanks for sharing Smile
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#3
(04-16-2013, 09:41 AM)Volaticus Wrote:  There's so much I like about this poem.

S1 L3: Reflections of what? That confused me.
S2 L3-4: I love this image. Beautiful.
S3 L1-2: And this image too. But I think "minds" should "mind's". And the same in S4 L3 with 'tears'. But maybe I'm just reading it wrong, I'm not sure.

I very much enjoyed reading, and I think it has some strong images. Thanks for sharing Smile

Thank you for your comments I have used them in the edit. best TOMH

If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
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