crocodile feat

[Mattie]

'an alcoholic's recipe'
an alcoholic's dream when you peel back the skin - again
why guzzle and taste jam! pig out on ones-self once again, selfishness long in the tooth to begin, wine to make you feel you fit in, to the human race notions of getting over the top top top; again.
the world momentousness gay and bright solitude life new flight the morning how you wake up is how you live.
sleeping sound getting it wrong still like how the seasons run
dreaming lakes pictures places shapes forms in faith,
in every thing a moments grace hailed as water,
get over that quiet response peacefulness forgiveness learn to relax new plight, learn to listen not only to one self *crocodile feet swayed to over come,
war is it over is it won with one colossal than one-self prayer,
tastefulness gracefulness gradually you take out what you create.

*Crocodile feet been small - swayed to over come - small steps at a time.
It's small steps have to be taken,the mind wants to race on and get the jobs at hand done.
08 04 2013

[saeity]

an alcoholic's recipe pure alcohol injected into the blood stream-would prefer to read 'an alcoholic recipe' let your reader do the thinking.
an alcoholic's dream when you peel back the skin- again
why guzzle and taste jam! pig out on ones-self once again, selfishness long in the tooth to begin, wine to make you feel you fit in, to the human race notions of getting over the top top top; again.
the world momentousness gay and bright solitude life new flight the morning how you wake up is how you live.
sleeping sound getting it wrong still like how the seasons run
dreaming lakes pictures places shapes forms in faith,
in every thing a moments grace hailed as water,
get over that quiet response peacefulness forgiveness learn to relax new plight, learn to listen not only to one self crocodile feet swayed to over come,- careful of abstraction I'm not in your head
war is it over is it won with one colossal than one-self prayer,
tastefulness gracefulness gradually you take out what you create.

08 04 2013

Hi Mattie, a lot of potential here, quite a raw piece written obviously from experience, writing a piece on a subject though then placing the word within, really, I find weakens the piece, if you could think of three words that would sum up an alcoholic-use them. As for crocodiles- old,worn and snappy is that what you meant?
Regards saeity.

[Mattie]

Hi, Saeity thanks for the feed back and..

I've made the changes,
but the poem came about by thinking of cutting out the time and waste of drinking alcohol
and the beer belly one gets from all that sugar in the drink.
I was never an alcoholic that enjoyed drinking
I just wanted to be drunk by the quickest way possible.
By editing that fact out no one would guess that is what I had been trying to convey, in the first place.

As for crocodile it's the size of it's mouth with all them razor shape teeth,
the teeth been the feat of the disease that is alcoholism will suck you in, if you are are a person that becomes an addict.
As for looking for other words instead of alcoholic I'll get back to that.
I don't want to hide what it is I've said any more than I've done.
The word stream editted out rhymes with the word left in dream.
Thanks again.