Tortoiseshell morning

[justcloudy]

He considers the world
from a vantage point so low,
white tips don't peek over
the pine green, indigo
mountaintops.

Plodding around mounds
of haphazard objects
garishly bright and smooth,
he smells stinking fabrication,
blocking his
predetermined way.

Cracked riverbed’s terrain
reflects sunlit strength,
and lies dangerously exposed;
he trudges on, to shaded banks,
camouflaged safety.

Two rumblings approach…
lumbering giants perform
nimble, erratic movements
cast a shadow,
disturb his path.

Instinct’s reflex
encloses supple scales
inside a homey tank,
to wait out peril
in stillness.

A fleshy claw approaches
now air above and air below,
panicked kicks and twists
one thought: dodge to shelter.

Baked river once again
touches horny toes.
Giants hover, pause,
click, don’t attack.

Confused, he bolts,
bulldozing rocks and banks,
thoughts fearful,
pride aching.

Green enfolds,
giants depart.

The strategy worked.


Wrote this today... on spring break in the mountains and chanced upon a lovely tortoise. I'm not totally satisfied with it though, I think the images work but the rhythm and flow, no so much. A little help?

[softlyfalling]

Reading this catapulted me back into childhood when I fell in love with the characters in every book I read...I love this clever tortoise with his ancient wisdom and serenity in a slow-moving reality. That being said, I love this, just exactly the way it is. But, it needs an illustration to satisfy the eyes of my inner child.

[C.M.C.]

I really like this poem! It paints a great picture. Unfortunately, I haven't been doing this long and I feel like this has a different style than mine. Sorry that I don't have much advice, but I just wanted to let you know that I like it!

[justcloudy]

Thanks both, for your kind words.
Can we add photos to posts? Once I download the photos from this weekend I'll see if I can add one of this guy. ^___^

[Leanne]

Can we add photos to posts?

You can if they're on the internet somewhere, like photobucket or even facebook. It's all here: http://pigpenpoetry.com/Thread-Spicing-Up-Your-Posts

[justcloudy]

Thanks Leanne!

[softlyfalling]

Can we add photos to posts?

You can if they're on the internet somewhere, like photobucket or even facebook. It's all here: http://pigpenpoetry.com/Thread-Spicing-Up-Your-Posts

That is SO awesome! Every word I write (and speak)is actually translated from a visual thought (which caused a lot of painful misunderstanding in the course of my life)...I have drawings scattered across the bed, the floor, my mind, my life...photographs also. To connect the vision with the words will be incredibly soul satisfying!