I Woke Up

[Seth31]

I woke up last night panting.
Not once, not twice, but thrice
Because of a dream so real and vivid
My entire psyche became livid

I woke up last night crying.
The thoughts that haunt me have gotten stronger
I don't know if I can fight much longer
They have penetrated my last defense

I woke up last night failing.
It was a nightmare like no other
It exploited my hidden weakness
Leaving me left in pure bleakness

I woke up last night dying.
It ended with me talking to Death
Then everything went frigid and nothing was left
I was stuck in the dream; I couldn't breathe, move, nor see

One might think that waking up would be a blessing
But it's not, for I have taken heed to the ending.

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Just a piece I wrote last night, any criticism would be appreciated!

[Claire]

Maybe for the first line "Last night i woke up (Breathless/Gasping)"
I've never read a poem about a nightmare before(:

[Seth31]

Thanks for the reply yeah I might agree with you on that, it might be better for the opening as opposed to just jumping in. I'll think about it. Thank you

[karinane]

I like the suggestion to change the line to "Last night I woke up..."

I don't know about the line "Leaving me left in pure bleakness" It seems repetitive. Maybe just lose the "left" so it is "Leaving me in pure bleakness"

I like it a lot though. Especially the ending

[milemke08]

I woke up last night panting.
Not once, not twice, but thrice
Because of a dream so real and vivid
My entire psyche became livid

I woke up last night crying.
The thoughts that haunt me have gotten stronger
I don't know if I can fight much longer
They have penetrated my last defense

I woke up last night failing.
It was a nightmare like no other
It exploited my hidden weakness
Leaving me left in pure bleakness

I woke up last night dying.
It ended with me talking to Death
Then everything went frigid and nothing was left
I was stuck in the dream; I couldn't breathe, move, nor see

One might think that waking up would be a blessing
But it's not, for I have taken heed to the ending.

----------
Just a piece I wrote last night, any criticism would be appreciated!

I would suggest writing a few more lines that match the meter and rhyme with the first line in each of your paragraphs. This will help accent the importance of the first line, like you have already done by repeating, "I woke up...".

Also, this is just a preference of mine, with shorter paragraphs I like to end with a line that rhymes with the first line. To me, this gives the stanza a more definite ending; when a stanza ends with a free verse, it feels like it has a weaker ending, in my opinion. [/b]