In-between

[Hidrolic]

Stuck between here and there
Trapped in this coma
Can anybody hear my prayers
I hear your voices
But I can’t share my fears

I think and have thoughts to act
In vain
Cause none of my body parts react
It’s pain
My blood flows cause my hearts intact

Day by day I heard my mother cry
I heard the tears flowing from my brothers eye
They prayed for me
Asking the messiah why
They begged for me to show a sign or let out a reply

Inside I'm screaming loud
But I can't get the meaning out
Signs of progress is what I mainly been without
I can tell by their tone they're filled with doubt


Everybody came to visit, professing their love
They shed tears gave hugs
Even heard discussions about pulling the plug


The worst part about life support
It scores a failing grade under life report
If I had the choice I might resort
To giving up and proving that life is short

[brandontoh]

Firstly, do introduce punctuation to your poems. They allow you to put in appropriate pauses and make the poem easier to read.

Secondly, show, don't tell. For the subject matter, this poem lacks the impact that it should. Try to talk about the feelings and actions involved instead of just telling the readers what's there. Powerful poetry leaves room for imagination.

It's a good effort though, and I like the 2nd and 4th stanzas in particular. This piece has potential, so do think about working on it some more. =)

Hope I'm of help.

[Hidrolic]

Thanks ill try and work on it some more