this is a Poem

[Meep]

Working title: Pre artist

Crinkly hair, too messy, shaggy.
Clothes are grey and brownish boring.
Yeah, she sits there like a herring
staring, staring, staring, staring
into particles and air.

Seldom pips a word if any,
often makes the teacher angry.
Nothin special ´bout her really
´xept her hands are full of many
charcoal stains and bright paint spots.

Then the lunch brake starts too early
and the others vanish hasty,
but not quiet, boring "curly"
moving not at all with hurry.
She´s is somewhere else in mind

Careful with a gesture gentle
she expose her crayons, pencils.
In her safe and holy temple
with some green and orange purple
she compose, compose.


I have a hard time deciding where to put the , and .´s in this one. And i´m also wondering if this is story wise making enough sense to understand, like i´ve mentioned english is not my first language.

[rowens]

Crinkly hair, too messy, shaggy.
Clothes are grey and brownish boring.
Yeah, she sits there like a herring

You can say 'an herring'; some people don't.

staring, staring, staring, staring
into particles and air.

Seldom pips a word if any,
often makes the teacher angry.
Nothin special ´bout her really
´xept her hands are full of many

'xcept...

charcoal stains and bright paint spots.

Then the lunch brake starts too early
and the others vanish hasty,
but not quiet, boring "curly"
moving not at all with hurry.
She´s is somewhere else in mind


She's; or, she is


Careful with a gesture gentle
she expose her crayons, pencils.

The reverse of "gesture gentle" can be thought about. And 'she exposes her crayons'.

In her safe and holy temple
with some green and orange purple
she compose, compose.

Maybe 'composes'.

So far, it's not so bad.

[benthejack]

I enjoyed this, A fantastic effort for a non native english speaker!

Rowens pointed out the main grammatical points, I guess my only comment would be that the structure seems to contrast with the content quite a bit (it sounds light and playful when spoken) maybe making it slightly slower paced would portray her "lost in thoughts" and absentmindedness a little better.

But a part from that as I said, I enjoyed it

thanks,
Ben

[brandontoh]

Working title: Pre artist

Crinkly hair, too messy, shaggy.
Clothes are grey and brownish boring.
Yeah, she sits there like a herring
staring, staring, staring, staring --- Try changing this to "staring, staring, staring...". The ellipses give the idea of endless repetition.
into particles and air.

Seldom pips a word if any,
often makes the teacher angry.
Nothin special ´bout her really
´xept her hands are full of many
charcoal stains and bright paint spots. --- If you're trying to exude a more lonely and depressing mood, 'bright' is not the word to use.

Then the lunch brake starts too early --- lunch break
and the others vanish hasty,
but not quiet, boring "curly"
moving not at all with hurry.
She´s is somewhere else in mind

Careful with a gesture gentle
she expose her crayons, pencils.
In her safe and holy temple
with some green and orange purple
she compose, compose. --- Only one compose is needed. Maybe you can try changing the second one to 'alone', but that'd be too cliche. It fits your rhyme scheme though.


I have a hard time deciding where to put the , and .´s in this one. And i´m also wondering if this is story wise making enough sense to understand, like i´ve mentioned english is not my first language.

All in all, a great effort. =) Rowens has pointed out all the basic grammatical mistakes. Don't worry too much about the punctuations, you'll learn as you write more.