01-16-2013, 07:13 AM
There she is:
Lifeless in a pool of blood.
Oh, how my heart attacks,
banging my chest to get out
and be with her.
Air suffocates my lungs.
Internally drowning in eternal emptiness.
Love hates my heart.
My heart to sacrifice my only begotten child-
for my own stability.
So, I'm nothing God-like.
He entrusted me with her.
Only I could've saved her.
Only I could've graved her.
But in my arms, would she be any safer?
I couldn't help it.
It would've taken my all.
It would've needed me.
But, even I couldn't have self-dependency.
No peace.
No daddy.
No home.
We were both alone.
Please comment and critique as much and as hard as you would like. This is a change in an attempt to better my first version of this poem. Also, I would like suggestions on whether I should keep the tittle the same or change it. Thanks in advance.
Lifeless in a pool of blood.
Oh, how my heart attacks,
banging my chest to get out
and be with her.
Air suffocates my lungs.
Internally drowning in eternal emptiness.
Love hates my heart.
My heart to sacrifice my only begotten child-
for my own stability.
So, I'm nothing God-like.
He entrusted me with her.
Only I could've saved her.
Only I could've graved her.
But in my arms, would she be any safer?
I couldn't help it.
It would've taken my all.
It would've needed me.
But, even I couldn't have self-dependency.
No peace.
No daddy.
No home.
We were both alone.
Please comment and critique as much and as hard as you would like. This is a change in an attempt to better my first version of this poem. Also, I would like suggestions on whether I should keep the tittle the same or change it. Thanks in advance.