Dreams

[way2epic4me]

Dare not sleep
For to enter the realms of dreams unguided
The soul of the wanderer may be lost
Dreaming for eternity, even when awake
Oh, how I wish to wander through the age of dreams
To follow the footsteps of fate
To find a path
A path framed by fields of silver wheat
I know not where this path goes
But where it ends
I must take care
Not to lose my soul
Or be driven mad
By days of night and nights of day
For this is a dream

[billy]

it has an elysian fields feel about it.

Dare not sleep
For to enter the realms of dreams unguided it helps sometimes not to be overtly obvious, ie; For to enter these realms unguided
The soul of the wanderer may be lost
Dreaming for eternity, even when awake
Oh, how I wish to wander through the age of dreams
To follow the footsteps of fate
To find a path
A path framed by fields of silver wheat
I know not where this path goes path, three times in three lines is too many paths
But where it ends
I must take care
Not to lose my soul
Or be driven mad
By days of night and nights of day
For this is a dream

i like the poem. it does need tightening up though, we can take from the title that's about dreams/dreaming so those words will probably not be needed in the body of the poem, unless it's vital, here, i don't think they are. the last line feels over the top. i'm wondering why dreams would make you feel mad, the thought adds a bit of ambiguity and make the reader think which is why i like that part.
thanks for the read.

[arbil_poieo]

To me it sounds like dreams are a kind of an antagonist to ones soul and mind, if that wasn't what you were going for then I'm sorry.

It was was an easy read for the fact that the lines weren't stuffed with just too much, I do agree with what billy pointed out about the word "paths" being repeated.

"To find a path"-- I would probably just cross that line out altogether, it seems redundant to me or just extra.
"A path framed by fields of silver wheat" -- I can see the image and it will be memorable, I like how creative that is and wonder why you chose "silver wheat."
The last line, I don't think it's over the top, I just don't think it fits with the poem, I could be slow but the last line just confused me.

I like the opening it is very catchy. All in all this has been a really different, kind of suspenseful piece, I like that very much.

[addy]

I like the feeling of being lulled, and led, but right now I don't think you've structured the poem to be conducive to that theme. There were a few points where I felt you were cutting yourself off too soon, instead of allowing the poem to snake and wind around more. For example, you have this beautiful image of silver wheat over a path, but then you immediately ponder when and how it ends, thus mentally "shortening" the path and not allowing the reader set foot in it..... I know that's kind of the point of your poem, but a little tease wouldn't hurt

Dare not sleep
For to enter the realms of dreams unguided
The soul of the wanderer may be lost
Dreaming for eternity, even when awake
Oh, how I wish to wander through the age of dreams might be overstuffing it with "dreams" at this point
To follow the footsteps of fate
To find a path
A path framed by fields of silver wheat Agree with arbil, best to shorten this to "-- find a path framed by fields of silver wheat" (nice image btw)
I know not where this path goes
But where it ends
I must take care
Not to lose my soul
Or be driven mad
By days of night and nights of day
For this is a dream

[way2epic4me]

This actualy came from a dream, this poem. In my dream I saw a man walking down a path surrounded by fields of silver wheat during sunset. And I had to write it down and make a poem out of it because it looked beautiful in my dream. So thats where I got it from.

[Philatone]

hey way!

Dare not sleep
For to enter the realms of dreams unguided
The soul of the wanderer may be lost
Dreaming for eternity, even when awake
Oh, how I wish to wander through the age of dreams
To follow the footsteps of fate
To find a path
A path framed by fields of silver wheat
I know not where this path goes
But where it ends...a bit direct in expression. this line and line above could be altered and combined
I must take care
Not to lose my soul...this idea you already described in the third line
Or be driven mad
By days of night and nights of day
For this is a dream

my general thoughts (take what you will)

for a short piece, "dream" appears at last 4 times (and that is not including the title). at some point, enough has to be enough. may want to check and make sure the word is always needed, can be scratched, or if a new phrasing can be found

right now, the poem feels a bit wordier than it had to be. i think it has a good start; perhaps shorter lines or even some kind of meter would be good (to capture a sense of being lulled to sleep)

[arbil_poieo]

hey way2
Ohhh! I see, well it's a beautiful image for this poem.

[popeye]

A most enjoyable read way2, makes one wonder just how many poems start as dreams!