Auteurs

[heslopian]

"A bunch of guys standing around trying to catch some director pushing art up into the crevices of dreck." - Manny Farber, American film critic, describing the auteur theory

Below the images he hides a portion of his soul,
a sparrow's corpse in a tobacco tin.
When Daisy Danger pulled her piece
from the pocket of her dress,
and Michael Kent christened her skull with a bat,
a weird light peered back from the page
like spring through bullet holes.

The author loved his mother once,
but now all women must be hurt.
"Daisy Danger's phallic piece
was knocked from her jezebel hands,
the magazine breaking her foot.
'I got no time for whores and queers,'
Kent grunted as he slapped her face,
'I'm tougher than my momma's tights.'"

Picking through the mounds of trash
one may find our sad auteur,
his frail soul, that dead sparrow,
glimpsed in accidental symbols.

"Michael Kent sat on his bed and poured himself some rye.
The bottle he poured was tighter than Daisy's vagina
(which he'd been sure to examine for clues).
She spanked him like a momma would, with open palm and -"
the author decides to put the bottle away.

[Erthona]

Jack,

I started a critique on this, but ran out of time and mental energy. Hopefully will return soon and finish it.

Dale

[heslopian]

That sounds ominous Just kidding I look forward to reading it

[billy]

sorry for missing this one jack. been busy

"A bunch of guys standing around trying to catch some director pushing art up into the crevices of dreck." - Manny Farber, American film critic, describing the auteur theory i'm not sure the header is needed. i still had to google auteur theory; which made the intro redundant.

Below the images he hides a portion of his soul,
like a sparrow's corpse in a tobacco tin. i think this is a great image, would it work better as a metaphor?
When Daisy Danger pulled her piece
from the pocket of her dress,
and Michael Kent christened her skull with a bat,
a weird light peered back from the page
like spring through bullet holes.

The author loved his mother once,
but now all women must be hurt.
"Daisy Danger's phallic piece
was knocked from her jezebel hands,
the magazine breaking her foot. would the magazine fall out
'I got no time for whores and queers,'
Kent grunted as he slapped her face,
'I'm tougher than my momma's tights.'"

Picking through the mounds of trash
one may find our sad auteur,
his frail soul, that dead sparrow,
glimpsed in accidental symbols.

"Michael Kent sat on his bed and poured himself some rye.
The bottle he poured was tighter than Daisy's vagina
(which he'd been sure to examine for clues).
She spanked him like a momma would, with open palm and -"
the author decides to put the bottle away.

having read it more than a couple of times, both here and there. i think some of the lines too flippant. tighter than daisy's vadge, (don't jezabels have loose ones )

while i still find it funny, i wasn't keen on the repetition apart from the sparrow image. i think you have a real easy task of making this a more solid piece with an edit

thanks for the read.

[heslopian]

Thanks for the feedback, Bilbo I'll make the second line a metaphor once I've finished this.
I think I should do some research on guns outside of bad thrillers

[tectak]

"A bunch of guys standing around trying to catch some director pushing art up into the crevices of dreck." - Manny Farber, American film critic, describing the auteur theory

Below the images he hides a portion of his soul,
like a sparrow's corpse in a tobacco tin. imagery memorable and it will be!
When Daisy Danger pulled her piece
from the pocket of her dress,
and Michael Kent christened her skull with a bat,
a weird light peered back from the page
like spring through bullet holes. economy with punctuation leads to profligacy with words. This is a long sentence.

The author loved his mother once,
but now all women must be hurt.
"Daisy Danger's phallic piece
was knocked from her jezebel hands,
the magazine breaking her foot.
'I got no time for whores and queers,'
Kent grunted as he slapped her face,
'I'm tougher than my momma's tights.'" great attacking stanza. Commited

Picking through the mounds of trash
one may find our sad auteur,
his frail soul, that dead sparrow,
glimpsed in accidental symbols.

"Michael Kent sat on his bed and poured himself some rye.
The bottle he poured was tighter than Daisy's vagina obsessional use of vagina.....they have other uses"
(which he'd been sure to examine for clues).
She spanked him like a momma would, with open palm and -"
the author decides to put the bottle away.

Thoroughly enjoyable repast. Noted that there is an irresistable tendency to sprinkle in the condiment......pass the vagina, please. Thanks, just a touch.
Not sure it was necessary or even enhancing........matter of taste I reckon. I am not averse to a little vagina myself but not on my sugared cereal.
The concept was a real find. I figure you could make a much longer piece out of this and I would read it with relish.
Best,
Tectak

[heslopian]

I am not averse to a little vagina myself but not on my sugared cereal.

Thanks for giving me a good laugh and great feedback, tectak

[Philatone]

hey man!
some thoughts I had

"A bunch of guys standing around trying to catch some director pushing art up into the crevices of dreck." - Manny Farber, American film critic, describing the auteur theory ...I'm not sure about how I feel about this serving as an opening

Below the images he hides a portion of his soul, ...a part of me wanted a comma after "images"--the meaning can be a bit ambiguous as is. Also, "below" put me in a much more physical frame of mind than may have been called for
a sparrow's corpse in a tobacco tin.
When Daisy Danger pulled her piece
from the pocket of her dress,
and Michael Kent christened her skull with a bat, ...dark images, but strong
a weird light peered back from the page ...wasn't entirely sure of the meaning of this line
like spring through bullet holes. ...really liked this line, it's great

The author loved his mother once,
but now all women must be hurt. ..through his productions?
"Daisy Danger's phallic piece
was knocked from her jezebel hands,
the magazine breaking her foot.
'I got no time for whores and queers,'
Kent grunted as he slapped her face,
'I'm tougher than my momma's tights.'" ..enjoyed the terms you used in the stanza

Picking through the mounds of trash
one may find our sad auteur,
his frail soul, that dead sparrow,
glimpsed in accidental symbols. ...after the metaphors, "accidental symbols" felt a bit too direct for me

"Michael Kent sat on his bed and poured himself some rye.
The bottle he poured was tighter than Daisy's vagina
(which he'd been sure to examine for clues).
She spanked him like a momma would, with open palm and -"
the author decides to put the bottle away....like this connection between "michael" and the author

i'm seeing this as a director working on a project that captures his philosophy on life, which happens to be depressing and not respected (as seen through the trash) (i'm just working this out here to let you know my thought process and see if it meshes with what you wanted). the piece has a few very strong images. enjoyed the read

[heslopian]

Thanks for the feedback, Philatone I imagined the author in this piece to be a pulp novelist, a la Mickey Spillane. And in answer to a question posed by your critique, "all women must be hurt" through the characters he creates in his books. Also, the "weird light" in verse one is the author's soul peering from between the lines. Thanks again!

[Philatone]

of course an author; I must have had a hard time getting past my own perception even after reading the last stanza. regardless, for the kind of work they do, I feel like the importance lies more in the creation of characters in order to express oneself. the "women" part was what I expected. the light was slightly beyond me, but I blame myself for that

[heslopian]

regardless, for the kind of work they do, I feel like the importance lies more in the creation of characters in order to express oneself.

Could you please explain what you mean?

[Philatone]

both directors and authors can convey their intentions/ meanings through characters and their actions, whether in film or writing. i realize that the piece itself is talking about authors and their characters, but I see directors linked to this as well to some degree.

[heslopian]

Ah, I see. Thanks for explaining