My Stepmother's Picture (or "Mother's Day Photograph")

[heslopian]

Your face in the centre of the gold pasta frame,
like a fish staring with its dead yellow eye
at the unknown diner. In the background branches
cast shadows on a fence, and you, leaning back,
hold a puppy I don’t remember
against the front of your brown coat,
thick despite the clear blue skies.

A ragged mop of bright blonde wheat
crowns a cliff pitted with caves.
Why do I feel that if someone touched you
at the moment when the shutter clicked
you would have expelled a layer of dust?

I love you. You never knew that, but I do.
I didn’t cry at your funeral, to which I wore
faded blue jeans, but still, I love you.
I didn’t say it as you wept against my knee
that awkward night, when the stars were
too close to the earth, and their heat singed my skin,
but despite our distance I love you.

You leave me now with young siblings,
and a father who still somehow survives.
Picturing your face alongside my mother’s, my own,
so many, so many...
I had not thought death had undone so many.

***

The last line is taken from L63 of “The Waste Land” by T. S. Eliot, which was itself paraphrased from this line in Dante’s “Inferno”, “Canto III: The Gate of Hell”: “...behind it came so long a train of folk, that I could never have believed death had undone so many.”

[billy]

this is special, will come back to it later and read a few more times before i do any feedback.

[billy]

Your face in the centre of the gold pasta frame,
like a fish staring with its dead yellow eye
at the unknown diner. In the background branches
cast shadows on a fence, and you, leaning back,
hold a puppy I don’t remember
against the front of your brown coat,
thick despite the clear blue skies.

A ragged mop of bright blonde wheat nice for the hair
crowns a cliff pitted with caves. this one feels off, (the caves part)
Why do I feel that if someone touched you
at the moment when the shutter clicked
you would have expelled a layer of dust? great two lines

I love you. You never knew that, but I do.
I didn’t cry at your funeral, to which I wore
faded blue jeans, but still, I love you.
I didn’t say it as you wept against my knee
that awkward night, when the stars were
too close to the earth, and their heat singed my skin, stars are seen as cold which i suppose works as well (i do know stars are suns btw )
but despite our distance I love you.

You leave me now with young siblings,
and a father who still somehow survives.
Picturing your face alongside my mother’s, my own,
so many, so many...
I had not thought death had undone so many.

***

The last line is taken from L63 of “The Waste Land” by T. S. Eliot, which was itself paraphrased from this line in Dante’s “Inferno”, “Canto III: The Gate of Hell”: “...behind it came so long a train of folk, that I could never have believed death had undone so many.”

from the last verse can we surmise the dead person is not your mum? if so it's a very poignant, if the dead person is your mum then it's a little confusing. i have to read it as maybe a step mum. jmo

i see very little if anything i'd alter in the poem. i had a couple of nits but thats all they were. i did show where i thought two great lines were but the poem is littered with great lines and images.
the narrative is much greater than the voice.

the poem begins with a coldness towards the main character and warms as it progresses, at the end we/i feel an affinity with her as though she has touched me.

in some places the grammar feels a little over powering but that could be me

great read jack thanks.

[heslopian]

Actually the dead woman is my stepmother. I think I may change the title of this. Thanks for the kind words and feedback Billy

[billy]

i think the titles okay,
and i was right in my assumption so for me it was clear enough