Jaywalkers

[Johicopter]

Jaywalkers

I called my friend and slowly poured water
         on our evening plans until they
         fizzled out,
freeing me to go to in-n-out alone.
         Walking, because my parking spot
         was too good to lose.

At the patio table
with my burger and coffee,

I gazed at the
talented jaywalkers
         who might as well be raising
         their middle fingers to the cars–
                  a big I dare you–
as they took the street.

And I thought of you
and how, in the backseat of your car,
      I couldn't say I love you

and how this coffee,
         hidden shamefully in the bottom corner of
         the in-n-out menu,
tastes exactly like you'd expect

because by the time I'd thought to ask for cream
the cashier had already moved on to order 36.

[brynmawr1]

Jaywalkers

I called my friend and slowly poured water  then
         on our evening plans until they
         fizzled out,  could be considered implied
freeing me to go to in-n-out alone.  consider, 'freeing me to go to in-n-out/ walking alone
         Walking, because my parking spot
         was too good to lose.  like these lines, but completely irrelevant to the poem

At the patio table
with my burger and coffee,  maybe it's just me, but who eats a burger with coffee?  Better, I think, to just be coffee, with some adjective and/or other noun.

I gazed at the  don't end lines with articles.  Would be better 'I gazed at the talented'  That has connotation, leaves the reader wondering what's next.
talented jaywalkers
         who might as well be raising  too many words,  they are raising middle fingers whether literally or figuratively.
         their middle fingers to the cars–  'to the cars' is implied in the end.  And what else would jaywalkers be doing?
                  a big I dare you–  an?
as they took the street.   really like this stanza's ending. But you missed the opportunity to link this to the narrator's sympathy for the jaywalker's carpe diem attitude.

And I thought of you
and how, in the backseat of your car,  who cares whose back seat it its, leave some mystery and if you are really confident in your masculinity, move 'I couldn't' up
      I couldn't say I love you

and how this coffee,
         shamefully hidden at the bottom corner of
         of the in-n-out menu,
tastes exactly like you'd expect

because by the time I'd thought to ask for cream
the cashier had already moved on to order 36.   I want the ending to be '43'. or something else that has sonics with cream

Hi Jonicopter,
You really have a lot of really nice stuff here.  I particularly like the first half up to S4.  The rest is okay, but you realize that you have the narrator compare failing to express their love to a bad cup of coffee?  I get it, but it's not going to make the Honeys swoon.  I'd rethink the last two stanzas.  Subtle reworking could be all it takes.
Really,, a nice poem with suggestions.
Thanks for the read,
Bryn

[David_Kaine]

Jaywalkers

I called my friend and slowly poured water
         on our evening plans until they
         fizzled out,   (I like the idea of watering down your plans)
freeing me to go to in-n-out alone.  (Intentionally?)
         Walking, because my parking spot
         was too good to lose. (Character development,  give up plans but not a parking space, I think the real excuse is you like the walk, or must be a very crowded town)

At the patio table
with my burger and coffee, (sitting? Already ordered but not eaten?)

I gazed at the
talented jaywalkers (intense frogger,  probably is a very crowded town, but you walked too, I wonder if you jay walked)
         who might as well be raising
         their middle fingers to the cars– (i imagine them cursing or gesturing,  or maybe this is just what you imagine, as if you were in their shoes)
                  a big I dare you–
as they took the street.

And I thought of you
and how, in the backseat of your car, (is the car stationary and youre both in the back? Is the 'you' driving you around? I dont know enough about either person to be there myself, there are a lot of cars here though it seems)
      I couldn't say I love you

and how this coffee,
         hidden shamefully in the bottom corner of
         the in-n-out menu, (is it this specific coffee youre drinking resting on a menu? Or just where in the menu youd find coffee listed, what makes it shameful, coffee does seem out of place for a burger dinner but I didnt expect it)
tastes exactly like you'd expect

because by the time I'd thought to ask for cream (gave up plans with friends, to eat alone, distracted by brave people (or stupid) to have an unsatisfactory meal)  
the cashier had already moved on to order 36.

Seems like a 'slice of life',  im seeing the 'you' as the desired meal, but maybe distractions in life, a shame or fearfulness, prevented the expression of love and likewise the cream.  I just want the narrator to walk over and apologize to the cashier and ask for cream, but not everyone has it in them. Hope this helps!