My first Pantoum
#1
I'm dreaming again
I dreamt of before
Drifting within
Asleep then no more

I dreamt of before
Peaceful at rest
Asleep then no more
In restless protest

Peaceful at rest
My mind in a blur
In restless protest
I started to stir

My mind in a blur
A beat out of time
I started to stir
Deep in my mind


A beat out of time
Drifting within
Deep in my mind
I'm dreaming again

 A poem of any length composed of quatrains (four-line stanzas) where the second and fourth lines of each stanza are repeated as the first and third lines of the next. 
In the final stanza, the third line of the first stanza is repeated as the second line, and the first line of the poem is repeated as the last line
While a little difficult could be very useful for repetitive subjects.
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#2
For your first effort I would say this is rather good! Poems with refrains are intimidating, but they can be hugely rewarding when they land. I feel this one would land better if you were stricter with the meter; this kind of terse repetitive poem gets its power from its hypnotic rhythm, which an unsteady or erratic rhythm does not lend itself to. I get the idea of using an erratic meter to convey dreamlike confusion, but I think it is working against the effect you intend.
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#3
(12-01-2025, 10:06 AM)Mostly Holy Wrote:  For your first effort I would say this is rather good! Poems with refrains are intimidating, but they can be hugely rewarding when they land. I feel this one would land better if you were stricter with the meter; this kind of terse repetitive poem gets its power from its hypnotic rhythm, which an unsteady or erratic rhythm does not lend itself to. I get the idea of using an erratic meter to convey dreamlike confusion, but I think it is working against the effect you intend.

Thank you for the feedback !
I am just beginning to discovering different forms .
I will attempt something more in depth and metered .

It was difficult to keep the repeated lines from clashing.
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#4
Yes that is the trick, not just to fit the refrains in, but to change their meaning each time. These forms are deceptively complex but so elegant when they work, I do hope you stick with them!
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