The third person view

[MidaPoems]

Alienated I am,
For it is -
What I see.

A human,
Detached from me.

Not fully true,
In the eyes.
Eyes,
Of the unforgotten.
Eyes of the living -
Mimicking death.

Alienated I be,
Still I see -
A clear view.

I know that rhyme, rhythm, and meter are not academically standardized.
I am well aware of that, yet I primarily do free verse, and it's based on instinctual writing.
I try to avoid academic language, as my poems are not meant to convey a single answer.
I try to convey the unknown through minimalism, mostly dense short stanzas with many line breaks.
If you'd give a critique, please keep this in mind.
A clear view.

[Mostly Holy]

This is rather wonderful and evocative. The first time I read it, guided by the title, I thought it was about video games, but all those "I/eyes" make me think it is actually about depersonalisation or a near-death out of body experience. I have no thoughts to improve it, free verse is an enigma to me and I think this is wonderfully effective as it is, but I would like to know the intended meaning, thru DM if you do not want to say it publicly.

Also I suggest you use a horizontal rule to separate your comments form your poem. You can add one by typing hr encased in [square brackets], it will render like this:

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