Frozen blossom

[fawnmossling]

Jack

You have bested me again
Winter
With your clever endeavour
grasping on with your frost-bitten hands
Awaken sun and spite the cold
Warm the day and colourise the flowers
Make them beautiful, bright and bold
Run through the trees
Awaken the flora
Ring spring, throughout the land
Tell Winter their work is done
Now begone
The world is in my command
To those who seek me, I will come
Find me in the morning dew
With blooming buds and vibrant hues, I'll paint the world anew

[dukealien]

[Frozen blossom]

Jack

You have bested me again
Winter
With your cleaver endeavour  this line immediately draws attention (aside from the east-Atlantic spelling)... can't help reading it as "clever" instead of frost/cold as a broad-bladed chopping knife
grasping on with your frost-bitten hands "grasping on" also seems a bit odd, perhaps a common expression with which I'm not familiar or a novel turn of phrase instead of "hanging"
Awaken sun and spite the cold
Warm the day and colourise the flowers
Make them beautiful bright and bold
Run through the trees
Awaken the flora perhaps "Arouse" rather than repeating "Awaken?"
Ring spring throughout the land
Tell Winter their work is done
Now begone perhaps a line break above or below this line (or both)?
The world is in my command yes, you were issuing orders the last half dozen lines (g)
To those who seek me, I will come
Find me in the morning due another attention-catching line playing on the cliche "morning dew"
With blooming buds and vibrant hues, I'll paint the world anew if a comma here, why not above for "beautiful bright and bold?"

In moderate critique, this contains a number of startling phrases ("cleaver endeavour" in particular).  Not quite sure what to make of them:  they are certainly original, but the images they bring to mind are odd.  What does "morning due" look like?  Though this may be a failure of imagination on my part.

Not to be pedantic, but there are a few inconsistencies in format that are certainly OK but you may wish to think about if they were not intentional - specifically, no capitalization at the beginning of L5 ("grasping") and that comma in the final line.  Could it be a line break instead?  (Please pardon my small-minded consistency hobgoblin.)

Overall, I'm a bit confused about who is talking to whom, about what.  The title introduces the object in view (frozen blossoms) and the first few lines address Jack (Frost) and Winter generally in accusatory terms.  The poem then addresses the Sun ("Awaken sun...") and continues in this tone of command or entreaty down to "Now begone."  From there on the poem is in the first person - who is/has been speaking?  Are we hearing the Sun's reply?  No, it's the frozen flower, isn't it?

Sorry, that was more intermediate than moderate - not to be taken more seriously than necessary. 

You have a good concept here, and some original turns of phrase.  (Also fine alliteration, assonance, and near-rhyme:  good job!)  You might consider a little more punctuation - though not to the extent of ending each of your pleas or commands with an exclamation point, which would be archaic.  Some will criticize beginning most lines with a capital letter; I do not, though (combined with standard punctuation) restricting it to sentences and proper nouns could make the poem easier to parse.

The work's enthusiasm is admirable.  Like the flower's.

[busker]

Jack

You have bested me again
Winter … Jack Frost is boy winter…so far it’s fine 
With your cleaver endeavour ….. this is a pointless line just there to rhyme with “winter”. Better without it 

grasping on with your frost-bitten hands… nice line 
Awaken sun and spite the cold…gets confusing at this point, asking the personfied winter to “spite the cold”. Maybe the poem should be addressed to spring 
Warm the day and colourise the flowers
Make them beautiful bright and bold … this is more of a late spring / summer image. Doesn’t fit, particularly when Flora has yet to be awaakened

Run through the trees
Awaken the flora … I read this as “awaken Flora” - the goddess - and it fit better with the personified spring theme. 
Ring spring throughout the land …who is being addressed? Jack Frost doesn’t ring in spring 
Tell Winter their work is done …. It 
Now begone
The world is in my command … who is speaking now?
To those who seek me, I will come … spring comes to everyone. A second meaning is implied but not supported by the rest of the poem 
Find me in the morning due … spelling 
With blooming buds and vibrant hues, I'll paint the world anew … 

Hi - the poem has a few good lines but lacks logical coherence

[SpruceMoose]

Is it supposed to be "due" or "dew"?

[fawnmossling]

[Frozen blossom]

Jack

You have bested me again
Winter
With your cleaver endeavour  this line immediately draws attention (aside from the east-Atlantic spelling)... can't help reading it as "clever" instead of frost/cold as a broad-bladed chopping knife
grasping on with your frost-bitten hands "grasping on" also seems a bit odd, perhaps a common expression with which I'm not familiar or a novel turn of phrase instead of "hanging"
Awaken sun and spite the cold
Warm the day and colourise the flowers
Make them beautiful bright and bold
Run through the trees
Awaken the flora perhaps "Arouse" rather than repeating "Awaken?"
Ring spring throughout the land
Tell Winter their work is done
Now begone perhaps a line break above or below this line (or both)?
The world is in my command yes, you were issuing orders the last half dozen lines (g)
To those who seek me, I will come
Find me in the morning due another attention-catching line playing on the cliche "morning dew"
With blooming buds and vibrant hues, I'll paint the world anew if a comma here, why not above for "beautiful bright and bold?"

In moderate critique, this contains a number of startling phrases ("cleaver endeavour" in particular).  Not quite sure what to make of them:  they are certainly original, but the images they bring to mind are odd.  What does "morning due" look like?  Though this may be a failure of imagination on my part.

Not to be pedantic, but there are a few inconsistencies in format that are certainly OK but you may wish to think about if they were not intentional - specifically, no capitalization at the beginning of L5 ("grasping") and that comma in the final line.  Could it be a line break instead?  (Please pardon my small-minded consistency hobgoblin.)

Overall, I'm a bit confused about who is talking to whom, about what.  The title introduces the object in view (frozen blossoms) and the first few lines address Jack (Frost) and Winter generally in accusatory terms.  The poem then addresses the Sun ("Awaken sun...") and continues in this tone of command or entreaty down to "Now begone."  From there on the poem is in the first person - who is/has been speaking?  Are we hearing the Sun's reply?  No, it's the frozen flower, isn't it?

Sorry, that was more intermediate than moderate - not to be taken more seriously than necessary. 

You have a good concept here, and some original turns of phrase.  (Also fine alliteration, assonance, and near-rhyme:  good job!)  You might consider a little more punctuation - though not to the extent of ending each of your pleas or commands with an exclamation point, which would be archaic.  Some will criticize beginning most lines with a capital letter; I do not, though (combined with standard punctuation) restricting it to sentences and proper nouns could make the poem easier to parse.

The work's enthusiasm is admirable.  Like the flower's.

Thank you for your feedback, very helpful. I am dyslexic so spelling sometimes slips me up and I struggle with punctuation.

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Is it supposed to be "due" or "dew"?

yep, it's meant to be dew, unfortunately, spell check won't pick it up because even if it's the wrong word it's still spelt correctly.

---

Jack

You have bested me again
Winter … Jack Frost is boy winter…so far it’s fine 
With your cleaver endeavour ….. this is a pointless line just there to rhyme with “winter”. Better without it 

grasping on with your frost-bitten hands… nice line 
Awaken sun and spite the cold…gets confusing at this point, asking the personfied winter to “spite the cold”. Maybe the poem should be addressed to spring 
Warm the day and colourise the flowers
Make them beautiful bright and bold … this is more of a late spring / summer image. Doesn’t fit, particularly when Flora has yet to be awaakened, (this is talking about what's to come) 

Run through the trees
Awaken the flora … I read this as “awaken Flora” - the goddess - and it fit better with the personified spring theme. (for me this is just another way of saying flowers)
Ring spring throughout the land …who is being addressed? Jack Frost doesn’t ring in spring (spring is talking here, to the world really.)
Tell Winter their work is done …. It 
Now begone
The world is in my command … who is speaking now? (this is spring talking to winter)
To those who seek me, I will come … spring comes to everyone. A second meaning is implied but not supported by the rest of the poem (this is a bit tricky to explain because like you said spring always comes. it's like when you are fed up with winter so you go outside and try and search for signs of spring. 
Find me in the morning due … spelling (sorry)
With blooming buds and vibrant hues, I'll paint the world anew … 

Hi - the poem has a few good lines but lacks logical coherence

Hi thank you for your feedback, I do tend to have a bit of an abstract view and understanding of things as an autistic person. The way I see and interpret the world is quite different than others.

[CRNDLSM]

Post your revisions as an 'edit' to this post so people can follow the process, rather than double posting

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If you would like this thread moved to another forum just let a moderator know we'd be happy to move it

[Bunx]

Jack

You have bested me again
Winter
With your clever endeavour
grasping on with your frost-bitten hands
Awaken sun and spite the cold
Warm the day and colourise the flowers
Make them beautiful, bright and bold
Run through the trees
Awaken the flora
Ring spring, throughout the land
Tell Winter their work is done
Now begone
The world is in my command
To those who seek me, I will come
Find me in the morning dew
With blooming buds and vibrant hues, I'll paint the world anew

Hmm not bad... These read like lyrics... almost like hooks. If you want to write a poem group these lines into stanzas, and maybe show they work in a verity of different ways.

I'd use these to write a song though. I love the content but to be a poem I think it needs some exploring.

[flotsson]

Jack

You have bested me again
Winter                 this is obviously personal taste, but I find using both Jack and winter to be needlessly repetitive; I would recommend you either insert Jack instead or remove Jack altogether. 
With your clever endeavour                 the internal rhyme here feels tonally off. A bit too playful and bouncy. 
grasping on with your frost-bitten hands                  visceral and evocative
Awaken sun and spite the cold          it's at this point that I feel a little lost. Who are we talking to? Jack, who already won? If it's more of general wish or command, or to another personage altogether, I would consider indicating that in the text with a line break, or ideally a few extra lines/reordering.
Warm the day and colourise the flowers                 I like this line a lot, but I would consider a different verb than colourize, it's a little too direct and a little too awkward.
Make them beautiful, bright and bold                 once again, great line, no notes. 
Run through the trees
Awaken the flora                 you already described this and the repetition adds nothing to my eyes; I would consider removing the line or move it to the start of the description if you're set on the repetition
Ring spring, throughout the land
Tell Winter their work is done                this is a bit pedantic, but invoking Jack Frost implies that winter's work should be "his work". Normally not a thing I would bring up, but it adds to the general ambiguity surrounding to and about whom we are addressing these lines.
Now begone
The world is in my command
To those who seek me, I will come
Find me in the morning dew                 
With blooming buds and vibrant hues, 
I'll paint the world anew                  in my opinion this would be a really strong ending if you added a break here. As is it's a bit unwieldy, but it works. This is entirely personal. You can even keep the rhyme, if not the internal rhyme, by changing "hues" to hue if you're married to the rhyme here

Hi, I liked this poem quite a bit. The only more general note I would give is to consider the use of more punctuation. The poem works fine as it, but I personally find a poem much more readable at this length with a little more guidance.