The Forest Loves to Play Her Game

[jonvandalen]

The forest loves to play her game
From mountain pool to silver stream
Not again to be the same

As morning light lays its claim
As the lake shines its golden gleam
The forest loves to play her game

Her creatures walk with steady aim
Mountains, too, as still they seem
Not again to be the same

I walk with them in quiet rain
Falling soft on treetops green
The forest loves to play her game

So it was before I came
So it’s been from time unseen
The forest loves to play her game
Not again to be the same

[busker]

The forest loves to play her game  ... the poem never explains what this game is. It looks like the start of a lazy rhyming scheme
From mountain pool to silver stream
Not again to be the same  ... why? what has changed irrevocably ('not again')?

As morning light lays its claim  ...  this rhyme is being dragged kicking and screaming against its will
As the lake shines its golden gleam  ... you don't 'shine a gleam', even if you're grasping for rhymes
The forest loves to play her game

Her creatures walk with steady aim   ... another forced rhyme / line
Mountains, too, as still they seem  ... mountains too....walk with steady aim??
Not again to be the same ...this line makes no sense. The mountains 'still seem' 'not again to be the same'? What happened to the mountains that they've changed irreversibly ('not again')? 

I walk with them in quiet rain  ... you walk with the lakes and mountains? Do mountains walk?
Falling soft on treetops green  ... 'falling soft' is cliche central
The forest loves to play her game

So it was before I came
So it’s been from time unseen  ... if it's a game that's been going on forever and that game is 'not again to be the same', then it's the opposite of what one would usually say i.e. mountains, forests, lakes, streams, are relatively unchanging on human time scales. 
The forest loves to play her game
Not again to be the same

After the first line, the rest of the poem seems to be trying to live up to the mandates of the villanelle rhyme scheme.

writing a sentence over multiple lines with / without using enjambments is one way to resolve the difficulty of saying something in one brief line while continuing to follow the rhyme scheme

each line doesn't need to be a sentence

other observation: the lines don't scan consistently. So as a villanelle practice poem, it needs some work.

[jonvandalen]

Thank you both. The idea here is nature as a character and operating on a different timescale than a human one, and always changing, as things do. But I see it needs work. I will have at it.

[ATM89]

The forest loves to play her game
From mountain pool to silver stream
Not again to be the same

As morning light lays its claim
As the lake shines its golden gleam
The forest loves to play her game

Her creatures walk with steady aim
Mountains, too, as still they seem
Not again to be the same

I walk with them in quiet rain
Falling soft on treetops green
The forest loves to play her game

So it was before I came
So it’s been from time unseen
The forest loves to play her game
Not again to be the same

Hi there,

I think I get what you're trying to do with the poem but it feels a little off balanced to me. Specifically for me in the line mountains, too, still as they see not again to be the same, but then you say that you're walking with them in the quiet rain? Is it the mountains you're walking with? Or the creatures? Also in the beginning I'm not sure how I feel about silver stream, again I feel like there is perhaps a flow issue here when the stream is implying that it should be flowing the poem leaves me with the feeling of the opposite---but perhaps that is the game of the forest? I would love to hear some insight into your point of view and how you crafted and created this poem---what are you trying to convey and what are you thinking with it?  

I also don't know if there's a better word for the line "so its been from line UNSEEN" -- have you considered another word in place of unseen? It doesn't seem to flow properly for me, perhaps find a word that sounds and feels and lands like rain and juxtapose the two? 

I also echo Jonvandalen's sentiments with the rhyme being dragged out perhaps a bit too much. I think you have something to work with here overall though! 

Hope this finds you well.