Moon enters

[busker]

Moon enters 

Moon enters
through double glazed windows, 
spreads on the smooth white sheet
of my half empty bed.

I ponder her shepherd boy,*
green, like the valleys.

And Tamino, inflamed with love
on a starry night

*footnotes

 
Therefore, ‟tis with full happiness that I 
Will trace the story of Endymion. 
The very music of the name has gone 
Into my being, and each pleasant scene 
Is growing fresh before me as the green
Of our own vallies:....

[TranquillityBase]

Moon enters 

Moon enters
through double glazed windows, 
spreads on the smooth white sheet
of my half empty bed.

I ponder her shepherd boy,
green, like the valleys.

And Tamino, inflamed with love
on a starry night

Reminds me of Cavafy, so much so that I want notes to tell me about the shepherd boy and Tamino.  

However, I don't need to know to get a complete experience of the poem.  The yearning for the other is apparent, and sealed, in the last two stanzas.  

[Tiger the Lion]

Moon enters 

Moon enters
through double glazed windows, hyphen double-glazed?
spreads on the smooth white sheet you might be able to improve on "spreads"
of my half empty bed.

I ponder her shepherd boy,
green, like the valleys(,) would prefer a comma here, 

(a)nd Tamino, inflamed with love
on a starry night

A few quibbles. Very much enjoyed.

[Mark A Becker]

Hi busker-
I've made some in-line comments below.  I would really like to feel more moodiness in this piece.

Moon enters 

Moon enters
through double glazed windows,  evokes glazed eyes (if without the 'double')
spreads on the smooth white sheet Spreads is just too generic for what's going on.
of my half empty bed.  'your empty side of the' bed' ?

I ponder her shepherd boy, 'ponder ' just doesn't seem like the right word. Maybe something like 'envision' ?
as green as the valleys, a comma instead of a period? Singular 'valley'? I am led to believe that you think there's something happening in that 'valley'-  like 'tending to'?

and Tamino, inflamed with love
on a starry night  This line falls flat. Something needed here that better invokes the music of that artist, and the implied feeling of melancholy that I perceive.

[busker]

Thanks, TqB, Tiger, Mark - some excellent feedback
I have included a footnote on what might have been a tiny little bit obscure point

@Mark - I agree that the last line falls flat. Doesn't quite do justice to the experience of listening to "Dies Bildnis ist bezaubernd schön" whilst slightly drunk.