Posts: 254
Threads: 137
Joined: Feb 2022
My favorite toys are metal;
they don't break in my grip.
Thick chain
entwines my fingers
and strains like elastic
on my knuckles,
but doesn't give in.
Disemboweled spine
of a three-ring-binder
soothingly snaps,
but doesn't fold.
Unfortunately,
I'm bad at keeping track of them,
but I don't care so much-
I'll find more.
Posts: 326
Threads: 90
Joined: Apr 2013
Not really getting this one, (but that might just be me) so my brief comments are not about the content.
Perhaps a new title would enlighten, I learnt a while ago from this site that your title should add something to the poem and should very rarely be the first or last line. Just a thought.
(04-21-2022, 10:33 AM)Semicircle Wrote: My favorite toys are mettle; - I do enjoy your spelling at times and i'm still unsure if it's intentional - did you mean 'metal'
they don't break in my grip.
Thick chain
entwines my fingers
and strains like elastic - can thick chain strain like elastic, does elastic not stretch
on my knuckles,
but doesn't give in - period?
Disemboweled spine
of a three-ring-binder
softly snaps, softly and snaps seem to be at odds with each other
but doesn't fold.
Unfortunately,
I'm bad at keeping track of them,
but I don't care so much-
I'll find more.
Sorry if it's not a massive amount of help.
I tried my best.
I may yet have more thoughts in a wee while.
Mark
wae aye man ye radgie
Posts: 254
Threads: 137
Joined: Feb 2022
(04-21-2022, 07:03 PM)ambrosial revelation Wrote: Not really getting this one, (but that might just be me) so my brief comments are not about the content.
Perhaps a new title would enlighten, I learnt a while ago from this site that your title should add something to the poem and should very rarely be the first or last line. Just a thought.
(04-21-2022, 10:33 AM)Semicircle Wrote: My favorite toys are mettle; - I do enjoy your spelling at times and i'm still unsure if it's intentional - did you mean 'metal'
they don't break in my grip.
Thick chain
entwines my fingers
and strains like elastic - can thick chain strain like elastic, does elastic not stretch
on my knuckles,
but doesn't give in - period?
Disemboweled spine
of a three-ring-binder
softly snaps, softly and snaps seem to be at odds with each other
but doesn't fold.
Unfortunately,
I'm bad at keeping track of them,
but I don't care so much-
I'll find more.
Sorry if it's not a massive amount of help.
I tried my best.
I may yet have more thoughts in a wee while.
Mark
Thanks for the feedback, I appreciate any given.
I have adjusted accordingly.
