bottleneck guitar

[Magpie]

bottleneck guitar
listening to your moans
i often hear
a human singing
and feel free


old version

bottleneck
listening to your moans
i often hear
a human singing
and i feel
free

[Semicircle]

bottleneck
listening to your moans
i often hear
a human singing sounds like bliss
and i feel 
free

I like the usage of, 'a human singing'
makes it sound like the narrator
really is enjoying what he is doing,
which I assume to be strangulation.

[Magpie]

bottleneck
listening to your moans
i often hear
a human singing sounds like bliss
and i feel 
free

I like the usage of, 'a human singing'
makes it sound like the narrator
really is enjoying what he is doing,
which I assume to be strangulation.

not quite strangulation - just playing slide guitar
although i wanted it to be ambiguous, i thought that people might think i was speaking about a traffic jam.
back to the drawing board

mark

[busker]

bottleneck
listening to your moans
i often hear
a human singing sounds like bliss
and i feel 
free

I like the usage of, 'a human singing'
makes it sound like the narrator
really is enjoying what he is doing,
which I assume to be strangulation.

not quite strangulation - just playing slide guitar
although i wanted it to be ambiguous, i thought that people might think i was speaking about a traffic jam.
back to the drawing board

mark

The ambiguity of that first line serves to distract from an otherwise fine poem

[Semicircle]

I like the usage of, 'a human singing'
makes it sound like the narrator
really is enjoying what he is doing,
which I assume to be strangulation.

not quite strangulation - just playing slide guitar
although i wanted it to be ambiguous, i thought that people might think i was speaking about a traffic jam.
back to the drawing board

mark

The ambiguity of that first line serves to distract from an otherwise fine poem

Oh I understand now, yeah, bottleneck is a bit confusing.

Maybe a different title would suit.

cus' I thought it was about erotic asphyxiation.

[Magpie]

Thanks busker and semicircle,

I've made a title change and a slight edit - the ambiguity didn't work

cheers for the input

mark

[Knot]

.
Hi AR.

Not helpful, I know, but I preferred the ambiguity (though I hadn't thought of a traffic jam, just the guitar and the neck of a bottle).

Best, Knot

.

[Magpie]

.
Hi AR.

Not helpful, I know, but I preferred the ambiguity (though I hadn't thought of a traffic jam, just the guitar and the neck of a bottle).

Best, Knot

.

Hi Knot.

I like both versions now. I wanted the first version to start with 'bottleneck' and end with 'free' as they are a kind of opposite.
But I understand the confusion for some with the ambiguity.
Still not too sure when ambiguity is a good thing... I'm inclined to think, always.

Cheers, mark

[rowens]

If someone knows what using a slide on a guitar is and sounds like, there's no reason why there would be any ambiguity in the first version of the poem.

[Magpie]

If someone knows what using a slide on a guitar is and sounds like, there's no reason why there would be any ambiguity in the first version of the poem.

I agree. 

I'm just left a bit confused again with poetry. 

however also quite happy that someone thought it was about strangulation. 

back to the guitar