Pigmas 27 December

[RiverNotch]

On the third day of Christmas the Pig Pen gave to me,
three religious pamphlets,
two cash gifts, and
a carol on a broadsheet.

Post something about how history is written, rewritten, fabricated, etc.

[CRNDLSM]

My motto is 'honesty's
always the best policy.'
Keeping quiet company
avoids making enemies.
Not that there's reason to be
suspicious or anything,
I just don't want you to see
my incognito search history.

[dukealien]

The Day the Soft Cheese Died


Who could have known the breaking point
wasn’t bread or coffee or canned beans
or even bagels– it was Philadelphia
Cream Cheese that presaged the sticky end
of American civilization
as it vanished from each store all in
one week’s time or two at most.

There were excuses.  Some have claimed
it was the shortage of truck drivers
or refrigerated tractor-trailers
but no such interruptions were perceived
for milk or eggs or other cheeses.

One crackpot story was that Animal
Liberationists had hacked the sole
Wisconsin manufacturer upon
some demented theory that cows far
from contentedness resented their soft lives
of nursing oddly-shaped demanding
calves as they perceived milking machines.

No, the secret’s in the nomenclature:
there’s no lack of milk or cheese
only hecatombs of Philadelphians
too shot up in gang wars to affix
the Appelation d'Origine Contrôlée label
of their riddled city to
nameless tubs of creamy goodness.

And so our bagels must be eaten raw–
still better than bare breakfast buns
but who weeps for Philadelphia?

[Tiger the Lion]

The Day the Soft Cheese Died


Who could have known the breaking point
wasn’t bread or coffee or canned beans
or even bagels– it was Philadelphia
Cream Cheese that presaged the sticky end
of American civilization
as it vanished from each store all in
one week’s time or two at most.

There were excuses.  Some have claimed
it was the shortage of truck drivers
or refrigerated tractor-trailers
but no such interruptions were perceived
for milk or eggs or other cheeses.

One crackpot story was that Animal
Liberationists had hacked the sole
Wisconsin manufacturer upon
some demented theory that cows far
from contentedness resented their soft lives
of nursing oddly-shaped demanding
calves as they perceived milking machines.

No, the secret’s in the nomenclature:
there’s no lack of milk or cheese
only hecatombs of Philadelphians
too shot up in gang wars to affix
the Appelation d'Origine Contrôlée label
of their riddled city to
nameless tubs of creamy goodness.

And so our bagels must be eaten raw–
still better than bare breakfast buns
but who weeps for Philadelphia?

This is fantastic. I loved it. Lead me to a story where Kraft was offering people cash to not make cheesecake over the holidays.