Empty Kelly

[Oden Prufrock]

Empty Kelly

Metal syndicated shell,
slits to see the horror,
Prufrock’s pitied prudent hell
hid behind the barrier,
cicadas’ Venitian carnival
where masks constrict like vines,
processions forward to a funeral
hidden by concrete time.

[churinga]

Not many would know this is about Ned Kelly.
'Venetian' unless you are punning on the Latin 'venit'. If you are, it is very obscure.
'concrete' is too modern for Kelly's era. The word not the substance.
I would not put hell in bold, since it is a formal poem.
Clever slant rhymes and use of language.

cheers

Ross

[Seraphim]

Empty Kelly

Metal syndicated shell,
slits to see the horror, I'm assuming a military tank. An image of the horror might clarify the point
Prufrock’s pitied prudent hell - over alliterated, by my taste
hid behind the barrier,  someone's personal hell is hiding behind a barrier? If this is about war, and I'm assuming so by the word 'horror', I'd think hell would be on the other side of the barrier..
cicadas’ Venitian carnival
where masks constrict like vines, I get the cicadas' musical noise relating to Carnival, as well as masks, but don't get how the masks relate to the cicadas, nor why masks constrict like vines. or how that relates to an analogy of war.
processions forward to a funeral processions of what - cicadas?
hidden by concrete time. I can see a connection to a concrete barrier, as used in early 20th century wars, but the term 'concrete time' on the literal level doesn't make sense.

With an imaginative stretch, and after numerous reads, I might see this as something related to long term mental issues caused by war, but if that's the intent it needs a lot more work to clarify.

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Not many would know this is about Ned Kelly.
'Venetian' unless you are punning on the Latin 'venit'. If you are, it is very obscure.
'concrete' is too modern for Kelly's era. The word not the substance.
I would not put hell in bold, since it is a formal poem.
Clever slant rhymes and use of language.

cheers

Ross

Ned Kelly? I was wondering about General John F Kelly, USMC, who led the Multi-Nation Task Force in Iraq and became White House Chief of Staff. I had to look up Ned Kelly, and only did that because of Ross's reference. Kelly is a common last name

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One can't assume one's audience is composed of mind readers - the author needs to give them enough reference to bring them on the same page {no pun intended}

[churinga]

Ned Kelly was Australia's most famous bushranger, he wore an iron mask and body armour.  He is an interesting character as he wrote a manifesto and was in a way a Irish terrorist against the English colonial power structure of Australia.  He is the subject of films, books and paintings.  Well known in both Australia, the UK and Ireland.

[Oden Prufrock]

Ned Kelly was Australia's most famous bushranger, he wore an iron mask and body armour.  He is an interesting character as he wrote a manifesto and was in a way a Irish terrorist against the English colonial power structure of Australia.  He is the subject of films, books and paintings.  Well known in both Australia, the UK and Ireland.

I tried to expand on what Ned Kelly's mask meant by describing the interior as Prufrock's pitied prudent hell. I thought it would be interesting in how his character is so heavily entwined with this steel mask and in this way is a perfect metaphor for a fallic personality or persona overtaking someone's expression of their true self.

[Seraphim]

I did research him after Churinga mentioned the name, but as written the poem is going to make sense to an extremely limited audience. To widen that audience, it’s going to need more narrative - at least enough so the reader needs to know who to research for further info.

[Oden Prufrock]

I did research him after Churinga mentioned the name, but as written the poem is going to make sense to an extremely limited audience. To widen that audience, it’s going to need more narrative - at least enough so the reader needs to know who to research for further info.

Well it was aimed at an Australian audience so I don't see the problem. Everyone knows of Venice and its carnival of masks and this is especially so when the images are paired offering just enough clarity. Can you tell me what you think the meaning of the lines is?

[billy]

for me you're trying to mate an apple with a ladder. the can only be seperate. kelly mindset sets his life story as does his mask which was just a tool. he took it off among his peers which eliot's lot never did. his hell was nothing like eliots. some good lines in the poem but i couldn't tie kelly to the wasteland. kelly's life was carnal and raw. it was real do and die. his life was immortalised as an individual. he was a hero.still is to many.

Empty Kelly

Metal syndicated shell, why is it syndicated?
slits to see the horror,
Prufrock’s pitied prudent hell, i get it's about kelly but i struggle to see how you connect him to prufrock. ned kelly would never wish to talk of angelo, porcelain, and marmalade tea. kelly would never have seen eliot's horror/s
hid behind the barrier,
cicadas’ Venitian carnival Venetian
where masks constrict like vines, this is the main part which i struggle with. the mask of kelly was worn for different reasons. i feel you're trying to connect two worlds that are so far apart that they could never be married unless ned was there to rob them.
processions forward to a funeral
hidden by concrete time.

[Oden Prufrock]

for me you're trying to mate an apple with a ladder. the can only be seperate. kelly mindset sets his life story as does his mask which was just a tool. he took it off among his peers which eliot's lot never did. his hell was nothing like eliots. some good lines in the poem but i couldn't tie kelly to the wasteland. kelly's life was carnal and raw. it was real do and die. his life was immortalised as an individual. he was a hero.still is to many. 

Empty Kelly

Metal syndicated shell, why is it syndicated?
slits to see the horror,
Prufrock’s pitied prudent hell, i get it's about kelly but i struggle to see how you connect him to prufrock. ned kelly would never wish to talk of angelo, porcelain, and marmalade tea. kelly would never have seen eliot's horror/s
hid behind the barrier,
cicadas’ Venitian carnival Venetian
where masks constrict like vines, this is the main part which i struggle with. the mask of kelly was worn for different reasons. i feel you're trying to connect two worlds that are so far apart that they could never be married unless ned was there to rob them.
processions forward to a funeral
hidden by concrete time.

Well it’s really great you mention all that because that just shows you how I’ve purposefully undercut that aspect of the image to communicate something. That’s what Eliot does with the image of the moon in ‘Rhapsody On A Windy Night’.