Karl Pilkington's poetry

[heslopian]

For those of you unfamiliar with Karl Pilkington (translation: anyone outside the UK) he's a British radio producer turned popular media personality famous for having an 83 IQ and thus making stupid statements about current affairs and other topics on The Ricky Gervais Show. He is also an amateur poet, who's churned out such wonders as these (which I've copied and pasted directly from his blog):

If moths had eyes...

If moths had eyes, would they be happier?
How do they know they're not dead?
Cavemen huntin for food
But not before they style the hair, on their head
What would last longer in dinosaur times?
A blindman didn't stand a chance
Not with all them rocks about
I'd rather be a blind moth!

Bubbled Wallpaper

Bubbled wallpaper
What a mess
Washer-Dryer knackered
What a mess
Siamese twins seperated
One leg less!

I Don't like Jellyfish

I don't like jellyfish
They're not a fish, they're just a blob
They don't have eyes, fins or scales like a Cod
They float around blind, stingin people in the sea's
And no-one eats Jellyfish with chips a mushy pea's
Get rid of them!

Just a short one about Jellyfish

It would be spitefull to put Jellyfish in a trifle

This hasn't got a name, it don't need one

For god's sake, me belly ache
The doctor said its me Kidney
He said he's gotta stick a tube up me knob
I said you gotta be kiddin me
For god's sake, knob ache!

Me Ward

Me, a chinese fella
And an old bloke who looked like mr burns from the simpsons
I dunno what was wrong with him
But breakin wind was the symptoms
No-one visited him or called him
He seemed quite lost to me
Aswell as wind problems, he had a colostomy
When i left i said see ya to the old man
Turned out the other fella wasn't chinese, he was from japan
I never found out what was up with him

***

Now, slap me with a roe and call me bonkers, but I don't think these are half bad. Especially the first and the last. Though I don't trust his knowledge of moths, "If moths had eyes..." has a clear narrative and is even poignant near the end, through how it evokes a blind caveman who keeps bumping into rocks. "Me Ward", meanwhile, in its lack of meaning and straightforward story, called to my mind this poem by Charles Bukowski: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZbqAD5l90M
What are your thoughts?

P.S: I'm sure we're all aware of the spelling and grammatical mistakes in Pilkington‘s verse, so there's no need to point them out.

[srijantje]

i don't like jellyfish is my favorite ,but shouldn't this dwell in the lonely hights of the poetry section?

[billy]

the only one i wasn't keen on was the first one.
though even that had some good qualities.

i thought the 'me ward' poem was excellent.
as was the belly ache one, under the nonsense
they seem pretty cohesive poems.

i'd also be surprised if he had a below average IQ