A church review
#1
I was never devout,
barely a practitioner.
Disliked confessions
in those oaken booths,
always smelling
of desperate people.
Topped off only by
that sweaty priest.
Nor was I fond
that I got no answers,
so I asked for a manager,
got a bishop instead.
He too had no answers,
only a sour breath.
He put me on hold,
sent me up higher.
got a cardinal
to confess his vices,
but the pope?
Nowhere to be found
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#2
(07-05-2017, 08:00 PM)The Four-Eyed Cat Wrote:  I was never devout,
barely a practitioner.
Disliked confessions
in those oaken booths,
always smelling
of desperate people.          
Topped off only by
that sweaty priest.
Nor was I fond
that I got no answers,              i guess you intended to let this subject contradict himself here:  there´s an answer regularly given by the priest after a confession. it is that the confessing person is forgiven (if he has a proper amount of sincere regret and after speaking a variable number of prayers) .
so, is the subject´s question if he really will be forgiven, or is he searching for an answer to the sense of life in general or something else?

so I asked for a manager,
got a bishop instead.
He too had no answers,
only a sour breath.                maybe give an image or a hint as to what the bishop said instead of  or additional to describing his breath.
He put me on hold,
sent me up higher.
got a cardinal            it seems a little improbable that the subject would make a cardinal confess his vices..
to confess his vices,
but the pope?
Nowhere to be found

interesting poem.
I´d replace pope with god just because it would in my view be where the subject´s search for answers might lead..
...
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#3
Hey Vaga! Thanks! Yeah, questions that noone really has an aswer to.
Regarding the cardinal, it was more a play on words with a "Cardinal Vice/Deadly Sin" - the reason why I pikced pope instead of god is that it would finish the Heirarchy of the church that way (Priest -> (arch)Bishop -> (arch)Cardinal -> Pope)
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#4
(07-05-2017, 08:00 PM)The Four-Eyed Cat Wrote:  I was never devout,  I want to start with I really like this work. I connect with it in a personal way and I appreciate the imagery in the first half of the poem.
barely a practitioner.
Disliked confessions
in those oaken booths,
always smelling
of desperate people.
Topped off only by
that sweaty priest.
Nor was I fond
that I got no answers,     I feel like after this point the track of the first half of the poem (supporting an image in which many people can relate to and visualize vividly) was lost. 
so I asked for a manager,
got a bishop instead.
He too had no answers,
only a sour breath.
He put me on hold,
sent me up higher.     There isn't a real resolution ( I don't know if there's an intended one or not) and the ending adds more questions than it does answers.
got a cardinal
to confess his vices,
but the pope?
Nowhere to be found
Reply




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