high summer (after dukealien)

[ellajam]

ripe tomatoes
weekenders
turkey vultures' feast

[Jana]

ripe tomatoes
weekenders
turkey vultures' feast

Ha! Do you by chance live in tourist territory?

[ellajam]

ripe tomatoes
weekenders
turkey vultures' feast

Ha! Do you by chance live in tourist territory?

I do, summer, nice to see it come, nice to see it go. Maybe

ripe tomatoes
weekenders and turkey vultures
feast

what do you think?

[Jana]

ripe tomatoes
weekenders
turkey vultures' feast

Ha! Do you by chance live in tourist territory?

I do, summer, nice to see it come, nice to see it go. Maybe

ripe tomatoes
weekenders and turkey vultures
feast

what do you think?

An improvement. Clarifying. Although, the first made me picture turkey vultures eating tourists. Quite funny.

[ellajam]

Ha! Do you by chance live in tourist territory?

I do, summer, nice to see it come, nice to see it go. Maybe

ripe tomatoes
weekenders and turkey vultures
feast

what do you think?

An improvement. Clarifying. Although, the first made me picture turkey vultures eating tourists. Quite funny.

hhmmm (or yummmm).

I really meant the vultures clean up the roadkill, I might need winding roads.

[dukealien]

The way I visualized it was, ripe tomatos set the season (not too warm, but long enough after pollination*), and the weekenders massacred the small-to-medium wildlife (rushing to their vacation cottages and then rushing away in the night to be back at the office Monday morning... the weekenders, not the wildlife) leaving roadkill for the vultures.  Agree with the revision making the birds simple plural rather than plural possessive.  Otherwise, though, kind of favor the original line structure:  each line is a consequence of the one before.

Metaphor games could make the tourists ripe fruit and the vultures weekenders... or the weekenders vultures and the tomatos tourists in their season.  Nice:  pointilism with three bright dots.

*

Yeah, I had to look that up.

[ellajam]

The way I visualized it was, ripe tomatos set the season (not too warm, but long enough after pollination*), and the weekenders massacred the small-to-medium wildlife (rushing to their vacation cottages and then rushing away in the night to be back at the office Monday morning... the weekenders, not the wildlife) leaving roadkill for the vultures.  Agree with the revision making the birds simple plural rather than plural possessive.  Otherwise, though, kind of favor the original line structure:  each line is a consequence of the one before.

Metaphor games could make the tourists ripe fruit and the vultures weekenders... or the weekenders vultures and the tomatos tourists in their season.  Nice:  pointilism with three bright dots.

*

Yeah, I had to look that up.

You got it the way I meant it. I think I'll just move that apostrophe, or remove it altogether. hmm.

We have ripe tomatoes from early summer straight through to frost. The summer people leave after labor day.