summer haiku written in late spring, quantity 1.5, date: 2017-05-20

[rayheinrich]

                tree frogs
                watching me
                do dishes

        or

                through my kitchen window
                tree frogs
                watching me do dishes

[ellajam]

Hi, Ray. L2/3 do it for me, a first I thought "through" might be bothering me, I wasn't sure why so I put it down to sonics, but I think the dishes put you at the sink inside, you may not need L1.

[rayheinrich]

Hi, Ray. L2/3 do it for me, a first I thought "through" might be bothering me, I wasn't sure why so I put it down to sonics, but I think the dishes put you at the sink inside, you may not need L1.

    done

[ellajam]

Hi, Ray. L2/3 do it for me, a first I thought "through" might be bothering me, I wasn't sure why so I put it down to sonics, but I think the dishes put you at the sink inside, you may not need L1.

    done

I don't want that much power. We'll see what others have to say.

[rayheinrich]

Hi, Ray. L2/3 do it for me, a first I thought "through" might be bothering me, I wasn't sure why so I put it down to sonics, but I think the dishes put you at the sink inside, you may not need L1.

    done

I don't want that much power.   We'll see what others have to say.

    Within PigPen you have the power of life and death over my electronic presence, don't tell me you don't crave it.
    (I changed it again btw, just to make you feel less guilty about your lust for power.)

[just mercedes]

maybe another reversal?

watching
tree frogs ~
housework

[rayheinrich]

maybe another reversal?

watching
tree frogs ~
housework

    That's utterly delicious... and too original to steal.

[Lizzie]

What I like about the original is that it sets up an expectation that the speaker is watching nature out of the window and then subverts that expectation with having the tree frogs look in.

[rayheinrich]

What I like about the original is that it sets up an expectation that the speaker is watching nature out of the window and then subverts that expectation with having the tree frogs look in.

Yeah, you're right. I'm changing my mind to both.

Indeterminate Ray

[nibbed]

I like the first poem because it reminds me of camping and doing dishes outdoors. It also reminded me of a camping trip to the U.P. when a tree frog migration swept over our camp, buckets of frogs everywhere and all the birds with swollen bellies, falling out of trees because their tummies were so full.

Thank you for the read.

Janine

[rayheinrich]

I like the first poem because it reminds me of camping and doing dishes outdoors. It also reminded me of a camping trip to the U.P. when a tree frog migration swept over our camp, buckets of frogs everywhere and all the birds with swollen bellies, falling out of trees because their tummies were so full.
Thank you for the read.
Janine

    "falling out of trees because their tummies were so full" -- Now there's a mental image for you!