< whispered in an ear >

[rayheinrich]

        a slit of sun
        our shadows trace the wall
        the weight of nothingness
        and yet we fall

[milo]

Dot?

[Emz]

Dot?

I imagine he's referring to stars... perhaps our shadows are actually light (stars) in the vast emptiness of space where we fall.

At least that's how I see it

[rayheinrich]

Dot?

I imagine he's referring to stars... perhaps our shadows are actually light (stars) in the vast emptiness of space where we fall.
At least that's how I see it

Well, ok, I changed it to: "trace".  That OK?

The other I thought about was: "fleck".

(And no, I'll shoot myself before I use 'blotch'.)

Ray

[sharon rhutasel]

Without the last line, your poem would become an outstanding haiku, one that a haiku journal might accept for publication.

[just mercedes]

Enjoyed this - thanks for posting

[rayheinrich]

Without the last line, your poem would become an outstanding haiku, one that a haiku journal might accept for publication.

Appreciate your comment and its intentions. The first three lines of the poem, while not a haiku, actually do make for a
better poem as I just hate author-supplied summations. That said, I'm willing to give up a bit of quality for the sake of
rhyme... the shame we poets must, from time to time, bear.

[Akira]

Screw the Haiku Journal; rename it "terminal velocity" and sell it to a skydiving magazine.

;-)

[rayheinrich]

Screw the Haiku Journal; rename it "terminal velocity" and sell it to a skydiving magazine.

;-)

Skydiving magazine... of course!
Maybe, just for them, I'd change that second line:

        a slit of sun
        our shadows seem so small
        the weight of nothingness
        and yet we fall