Karma in HD

[Tiger the Lion]

Karma in HD

cocked elastic band
snaps backward—
Thwap!

[ellajam]

Ouch, I like the thwap, great word.

[Magpie]

Hi Paul,

Great image you have got here, it's good to see you back writing in the 'short form' forum again.
When I first saw the title of this for some reason I thought of Hilda Doolittle the imagist poet who simply went by the initials HD (only on a poetry forum would that happen). That said, presuming that HD is indeed High Definition and not Hilda, I was wondering if it is strictly accurate as High Definition refers to the quality of picture whereas you have given an excellent image and sound to compliment it. It probably seems a bit picky in such a short piece. I was thinking it was 'instant karma' of sorts and then realised it was even quicker than that, so perhaps something like, 'Karma in Anticipation' or something similar that indicated Karma in anticipation of an event.

Cheers for the read,

Mark

[Emz]

Karma in HD

cocked elastic band
snaps backward—
Thwap!

I really like this; I feel like it can be interpreted in may ways. I think Thwap! works really well for the last line, and it is a nice word as Ellajam pointed out.

I don't know if I would change anything here. The only thing I considered to comment on was the capital letter T in Thwap (as in, making it lower case to remain consistent with the rest), but my guess is that it requires the capital letter for the sound effect. Would it work the same without the capital T?

[Tiger the Lion]

Thanks Ella, Mark and Emz. This sorta started out as an exercise in assonance. I actually wanted all the syllables to be soft A's, but in the end, the elastic band needed action and "cocked" was needed. As regards the title, Mark, you are correct. Instant Karma is more accurate but quite unavailable. Thwap!

Thanks all,
Paul

[Jeremiahcp]

I would like to see the fact you are talking about karma indicated by some image or action (which could still be in the title); as it is now the title kind of steals that journey for the reader.

I like to write short poems as well, and the brevity can be very challenging. I consider titles for such a short poem tricky. If a title is too heavy handed, then it becomes a device the writer uses to circumvent brevity, by directly telling the reader what is happening (show don't tell, even for titles). In short poems brevity is the key: leaving a taste, a single impression, or invoking a focused thought. I think titling a short poem is much more involved than titling a standard length poem, and sometimes brevity works better without a title at all.

I also think in short poetry it is so much more tempting to break the rule, show don’t tell, as there is such limited space. I know I find that to be the greatest challenge of short poems.

[Tiger the Lion]

I would like to see the fact you are talking about karma indicated by some image or action (which could still be in the title); as it is now the title kind of steals that journey for the reader.  

I like to write short poems as well, and the brevity can be very challenging. I consider titles for such a short poem tricky. If a title is too heavy handed, then it becomes a device the writer uses to circumvent brevity, by directly telling the reader what is happening (show don't tell, even for titles).  In short poems brevity is the key:  leaving a taste, a single impression, or invoking a focused thought. I think titling a short poem is much more involved than titling a standard length poem, and sometimes brevity works better without a title at all.

I also think in short poetry it is so much more tempting to break the rule, show don’t tell, as there is such limited space. I know I find that to be the greatest challenge of short poems.

Jeremiah, you are absolutely right about the title. I don't actually title most short work, and for awhile was posting them by date. The problem I've had is the poems become very difficult to locate, both here at PP and for files in general. So, the title is really a bit of a file name really. 
Excellent comments though. Your points are welcome reminders.

Thanks,
Paul

[sharon rhutasel]

I especially like your image. However, I would like to see the poem as an haiku without the title, since I agree with the first comment in that regard. Just the word "karma" would make a perfect last line, even thought I like the sound of "thwap," to me, it's redundant.