Time's Dance

[Rederex]

Past, present, future.
Our lives, an eternal dance,
and time's the prima.

[Merrikay]

Nice idea on the last two lines, not sure about "past, present, future", seems kind of redundant. I could be wrong though...thanks for sharing.

[Rederex]

Nice idea on the last two lines, not sure about "past, present, future", seems kind of redundant.  I could be wrong though...thanks for sharing.

Hey thanks
Past, present and future are the main elements of our lives, the dance is with those three and time which holds everything together.

[Merrikay]

I see your point, but isn't past, present and future, just a way of measuring/labeling time? That's why I said I thought it seemed redundant, along with eternal, which encompasses all time. Not being a smart-a** here, just explaining my reasoning.

[Rederex]

I see your point, but isn't past, present and future, just a way of measuring/labeling time? That's why I said I thought it seemed redundant, along with eternal, which encompasses all time. Not being a smart-a** here, just explaining my reasoning.

Think of how through time we move from the present into the future , leaving behind the past. There is an intimate relationship between the three. They move around each other, yet never are they one thing. In our lives we are participating, for a short time, in the eternal dance of present moving to future and leaving past...a dance which is centered on time itself, and how we participate in it. Thanks for the feedback though

[ellajam]

Past, present, future.
Our lives, an eternal dance,
and time's the prima.

Although I like the title and L2 I don't like dance being used twice in such a short piece. I think you could lose L1 if you keep the title, just another way of saying time, maybe you could use curtain up and encore or something related to a ballet. Or you could change the title. Love the last line.

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I see your point, but isn't past, present and future, just a way of measuring/labeling time? That's why I said I thought it seemed redundant, along with eternal, which encompasses all time. Not being a smart-a** here, just explaining my reasoning.

Think of how through time we move from the present into the future , leaving behind the past. There is an intimate relationship between the three. They move around each other, yet never are they one thing. In our lives we are participating,  for a short time, in the eternal dance of present moving to future and leaving past...a dance which is centered on time itself,  and how we participate in it. Thanks for the feedback though

Wearing my mod hat, she said she understands, she just doesn't like the line. No need to explain again, use the crit or not, your choice, but each member's read is their own.

[Magpie]

Past, present, future.
Our lives, an eternal dance,
and time's the prima.

Hi Rederex,
Out of all the subjects to write a poem about people usually say that 'love' is the hardest because it's been covered so much by great and not so great poets which makes it hard to write about without stumbling into cliches. I would put 'time' up there with 'love' for exactly the same reasons. Many a poet has wrote about 'Time', (usually with the capital 'T') and eternity, flick through any book of poems by Whitman, Blake or Shakespeare and it will come up a number of times. I can't think of an actual poem at this moment that uses the 'time as a dance' analogy, but I would think that it has been used before and therefore will be seen as cliche.

A question I have regarding your poem is about the last phrase 'time's the prima', as I'm not 100% sure what you mean by prima. In reality it would translate from Italian as 'first' and from that it could be seen as 'the most important' or 'the original', but then why would you use the Italian as it just seems to complicate things. Or are you using it as a shortened form of 'prima donna' to indicate a 'star' or 'diva', although I'm not sure if it can be shortened in this sense. However the other use of 'prima donna' is informal and means a temperamental person. Now, 'time' as a 'prima donna' using the play on both meanings is a definite possibility that could be original and without cliche and that's the kind of concept that I can go with 

Sorry if I've said wayyyy too much, but they were my actual thoughts after reading, I just can't help it sometimes most times ever. 

Mark

[Rederex]

Past, present, future.
Our lives, an eternal dance,
and time's the prima.

Hi Rederex,
Out of all the subjects to write a poem about people usually say that 'love' is the hardest because it's been covered so much by great and not so great poets which makes it hard to write about without stumbling into cliches. I would put 'time' up there with 'love' for exactly the same reasons. Many a poet has wrote about 'Time', (usually with the capital 'T') and eternity, flick through any book of poems by Whitman, Blake or Shakespeare and it will come up a number of times. I can't think of an actual poem at this moment that uses the 'time as a dance' analogy, but I would think that it has been used before and therefore will be seen as cliche.
A question I have regarding your poem is about the last phrase 'time's the prima', as I'm not 100% sure what you mean by prima. In reality it would translate from Italian as 'first' and from that it could be seen as 'the most important' or 'the original', but then why would you use the Italian as it just seems to complicate things. Or are you using it as a shortened form of 'prima donna' to indicate a 'star' or 'diva', although I'm not sure if it can be shortened in this sense. However the other use of 'prima donna' is informal and means a temperamental person. Now, 'time' as a 'prima donna' using the play on both meanings is a definite possibility that could be original and without cliche and that's the kind of concept that I can go with 
Sorry if I've said wayyyy too much, but they were my actual thoughts after reading, I just can't help it sometimes most times ever. 
Mark

Dear Mark,
You are right, time is a topic commonly explored. In regards to the last line, I have used prima within the context of a dance. Because of this prima is used as 'prima ballerina' (the prime dancer),in that time is the most important 'dancer'. We, our lives, may dance...but ultimately that which is superior is time itself.
Perhaps I should look into writing a larger poem, something that would alow me to explore each nuance of my thought regarding time. Any how, thanks a lot.

Red

[Mark A Becker]

Hello Rederex-

I'm thrown by "prima", I must admit. Even after looking it up. I have not read the other comments, but I'm betting that you needed to explain this.

That said, if I need to ask for an explanation, then that explanation will expand my understanding beyond what I should I should have gotten from the poem on my own. You should always presume that I'll never have the luxury of asking.

That is the "danger" of short form poetry: there isn't room for explanations, beyond those few words on the page. Double, and even triple meanings, are fine with me, but I just can't find a first meaning that satisfies my sorry eyes.

That said, if it were my poem, I'd scrap L.1 & L.3 and re-build around "our lives, an eternal dance". That may not help much, but it's all I got.

... Mark

[milo]

Just a note on the ongoing debate on "prima". There was a dance reference in the poem, my mind immediately jumped to "prima ballerina". I think most people with some familiarity would be able to deduce it.

The "past, present future" doesn't work at all for me, it is a little boring. Lives as a dance, either eternal or otherwise, is certainly well trod territory as well.