Godzilla's Press Conference on Alternative Energy

[Todd]

I rose from your landfills,
the first blossom of this atomic age.
I ate steam trains, and with my tail
smashed your factories;
still, you did not understand.
You fix your eyes on the ground,
recycling your waste—while I pulse
like the sun with power beyond
fossil fuels. I am
the great lizard that walks
on you. I see your lips move
in noiseless supplication,
hear my name—seconds late,
out of sync. It is to me you pray.

~~~
NaPM poem from a few years ago. I did some updates, and wondered if it was worth developing.
Minor edit: considered some of Paul's comments and did a touch up not a full edit. Still thinking it over.

[Tiger the Lion]

Hey Todd. Great title. Amazing what you can do under pressure. Some thoughts below:

I rose from the depths of your landfills, I think you could cut "the depths of"
the first blossom of this atomic age.
I ate steam trains, and with my tail I wonder if these 2 lines might read better rearranged:
smashed your factories;
      I ate steam trains and smashed 
      your factories with my tail;         or something like

still, you did not understand.
You fix your eyes on the ground,
recycling your waste. While I pulse "While...." doesn't need to be a new sentence. It's incomplete as is
like the sun with power beyond
fossil fuels. I am
the great lizard that walks
sometimes on you. something awkward here
I see your lips move 
in noiseless supplication,
hear my name—seconds late,
out of sync. It is to me you pray.

~~~

NaPM poem from a few years ago. I did some updates, and wondered if it was worth developing.

Always enjoy topics like this. Worth working on IMO.
Paul

[Todd]

Thanks Paul. I'll work with it a bit. Appreciate the comments.

Best,

Todd

[RiverNotch]

I rose from your landfills,
the first blossom of this atomic age. I sort of read this as the first blossom being the landfills -- maybe this should be reworded, or maybe not.
I ate steam trains, and with my tail Comma at the end?
smashed your factories;
still, you did not understand.
You fix your eyes on the ground, 
recycling your waste—while I pulse Comma instead of em dash, perhaps? Not unrelated thoughts.
like the sun with power beyond "with a power", perhaps? sounds more stately (although sort of cliched, I suppose)
fossil fuels. I am I half-read this as "I am fossil fuels", which is sort of appropriate -- I mean, Godzilla's basically just a living fossil, and here he's talking about being fuel to the world, so....Oh, and with the other half as a sort of half-divine statement (I feel "who I am" being suggested by that end). Really, really, really love this line.
the great lizard that walks Since the lizard is already very human here, why not "who" instead of "that"?
on you. I see your lips move Walks on us? sounds, er, too ironic compared to everything else.
in noiseless supplication,
hear my name—seconds late, The lips hear his name? Maybe "then I hear my name". I'm impartial to the em dash here, though perhaps it's because I don't see what the name syncs to.
out of sync. It is to me you pray. Nice ending! With the great "I am" of before, I'm really getting a strong Messianic vibe here, which is awesome! A very fresh perspective on a titanic persona, for me.

[Todd]

Thanks RN, You are reading the vibe as I intended it. As to fossil fuels thing, I almost went there. Technically though, fossil fuels come from the long ago plants and animals and not the dinosaurs. So, I backed away from it. I guess I could easily still make it work with an "I am the ultimate fossil fuel." or and this might be carrying it a bit to far, "I am the Alpha and Omega of fossil fuels. Appreciate the comments and time spent.

Best,

Todd

[bena]

Just one comment, and that might not be enough to stay here on serious, but perhaps you'll read it before its gone...If you go the route of "I am the Alpha and Omega" I would love instead the use of Prometheus. After all, it is the beginning, and he is the god who brought us fire. Just a thought.

your adoring fan,
melicious.

[Todd]

Just one comment, and that might not be enough to stay here on serious, but perhaps you'll read it before its gone...If you go the route of  "I am the Alpha and Omega" I would love instead the use of Prometheus.  After all, it is the beginning, and he is the god who brought us fire.  Just a thought.

your adoring fan,
melicious.

Nice idea mel, I'll keep it in mind.

[Rose Lanabell Cat Ear]

I read this poem because I love Godzilla. It's given me new thoughts on how he applies to life.
My favorite part was "I see your lips move
in noiseless supplication,"
it was very scary but in a nice, creepily subtle way. It tied in nicely to the ending as well.
I'm not entirely sure what you are trying use Godzilla to represent specifically - the consequences of human negligence towards the earth or to other things? The consequences of exploiting energy sources? How we are dependent on things that destroy us?
You may want to clarify what the purpose of the poem is, if you want to, but it is okay to have the precise correlation of Godzilla with reality vague because it leaves the reader room to think for themselves. Godzilla could represent multiple things or several connected ideas. I honestly like how this poem made me think.
I hope you keep working with it!
-Rose

[Todd]

Rose, thank you for your feedback. I appreciate it. I will keep working on it.

Best,

Todd