< 3.1.2015 >

[rayheinrich]

There is a haiku buried in: "her, me, and that damned cat trying to hide behind the azalea bush." I'd love to see you incorporate it....

Thanks for the idea:


                that cat again
                hiding behind the azalea bush -
                be careful ms. sparrow


                behind the azalea bush
                a tail sticks out -
                don't laugh ms. sparrow

[Magpie]

There is a haiku buried in: "her, me, and that damned cat trying to hide behind the azalea bush." I'd love to see you incorporate it....

Thanks for the idea:


                that cat again
                hiding behind the azalea bush -
                be careful miss sparrow


                behind the azalea bush
                a tail sticks out -
                don't laugh miss sparrow

I like these two ku in their observations and the fact that they are both addressed to 'miss sparrow' in a way that seems to be offering assistance but is at the same time not helpful, observing nature without interfering. I'm not sure if 'miss sparrow' is a representation of anything in particular, but I can read it straight as well as metaphorical.
I would usually wonder whether 'bush' is necessary... (in the poem that is) as azalea would be enough, but I understand why you have used it on this occasion.

I am constantly trying to outwit the neighbourhood cats in my garden, but because of their extra dimensional activities it sometimes seems like a pointless task. Especially when they have the ability to make a kill and then with one look be able to say "you invited the birds in here, you planted ferns for camouflage, you are ultimately to blame",
and how can I possible argue. 

Thanks for the read.

Mark

[srijantje]

specially the second one made me alert

[rayheinrich]

I like these two ku in their observations and the fact that they are both addressed to 'miss sparrow' in a way that seems to be offering assistance but is at the same time not helpful, observing nature without interfering. I'm not sure if 'miss sparrow' is a representation of anything in particular, but I can read it straight as well as metaphorical.

Yes, I often wonder what is happening when a writer addresses someone other than the reader as a
writer IS addressing the reader. 'Miss sparrow' is a version of (and an homage) to Kobayashi Issa's
omnipresent cricket.

I would usually wonder whether 'bush' is necessary... (in the poem that is) as azalea would be enough, but I understand why you have used it on this occasion.

While "azalea" would indeed be enough, I felt that an "azalea bush" seemed larger and
more appropriate for a cat to hide behind.

I am constantly trying to outwit the neighbourhood cats in my garden, but because of their extra dimensional activities

"Extra dimensional" INDEED!

Cats are killers. I try to limit this killing by raising inside cats. My ally-cats, of course, remain blooded.
And, karma being what it will, are killed from time-to-time by dogs.

---

specially the second one made me alert

Are you then the sparrow?

[srijantje]

no,but I'm alert and can weave and duck

[rayheinrich]

no,but I'm alert and can weave and duck

I can weave a duck; it's the 'alert' part that trips me up.

[just mercedes]

no,but I'm alert and can weave and duck

I can weave a duck; it's the 'alert' part that trips me up.

Don't have a lert, but I got a round tuit.

[rayheinrich]

no,but I'm alert and can weave and duck

I can weave a duck; it's the 'alert' part that trips me up.

Don't have a lert, but I got a round tuit.

Careful, you can easily become a duckted tuit.

[Leah S.]

There is a haiku buried in: "her, me, and that damned cat trying to hide behind the azalea bush." I'd love to see you incorporate it....

Thanks for the idea:


                that cat again
                hiding behind the azalea bush -
                be careful miss sparrow


                behind the azalea bush
                a tail sticks out -
                don't laugh miss sparrow

You could get rid of ambiguous confusion by capitalizing Miss Sparrow. I like the first one.

[rayheinrich]

There is a haiku buried in: "her, me, and that damned cat trying to hide behind the azalea bush." I'd love to see you incorporate it....

Thanks for the idea:


                that cat again
                hiding behind the azalea bush -
                be careful miss sparrow


                behind the azalea bush
                a tail sticks out -
                don't laugh miss sparrow

You could get rid of ambiguous confusion by capitalizing Miss Sparrow. I like the first one.

Yes, I understand that feeling of ambiguity.
English haiku are usually all lower case (no capitals) as an homage to Japanese haiku.
The Japanese language has no upper case so translations generally don't use it.
It's not some hard and fast rule, just a convention that a lot of writers (myself included)
prefer to follow.

[Leah S.]

Thanks for the idea:


                that cat again
                hiding behind the azalea bush -
                be careful miss sparrow


                behind the azalea bush
                a tail sticks out -
                don't laugh miss sparrow

You could get rid of ambiguous confusion by capitalizing Miss Sparrow. I like the first one.

Yes, I understand that feeling of ambiguity.
English haiku are usually all lower case (no capitals) as an homage to Japanese haiku.
The Japanese language has no upper case so translations generally don't use it.
It's not some hard and fast rule, just a convention that a lot of writers (myself included)
prefer to follow.

How about, "be careful little sparrow" then? Or something suchlike. I just keep trying to read "miss" as a verb.

[rayheinrich]

You could get rid of ambiguous confusion by capitalizing Miss Sparrow. I like the first one.

Yes, I understand that feeling of ambiguity.
English haiku are usually all lower case (no capitals) as an homage to Japanese haiku.
The Japanese language has no upper case so translations generally don't use it.
It's not some hard and fast rule, just a convention that a lot of writers (myself included)
prefer to follow.

How about, "be careful little sparrow" then? Or something suchlike. I just keep trying to read "miss" as a verb.

Yes, 'miss' being taken as a verb adds a confusion that undermines the haiku.
What I don't like about 'little' is it infers a paternal/superior relationship with the sparrow;
as if the sparrow is a child, is not a creature of equal worth. It lacks respect.

While "ms." has its own problems, it solves the greater one you noted; so I've changed it to '.ms'.
Thanks for your insight (and taking the time to comment).