5-10

[Tiger the Lion]

wind whispers to burnt leaves,
" I'm incredible, 
you oughta be chasing me".

[just mercedes]

You made me see smoke, the ghosts of burnt leaves, swirling. Probably not what you saw though.

[b.abraham]

I have a picture of an orange-haired woman whispering in your ear as she runs away. I quite like the slant of "leaves" and "me", I wouldn't change that. I'm not crazy about the second line. I get a more vivid snapshot of the same picture from the last line. I would suggest changing that "I" statement to a "You" statement.

[Erthona]

Paul,
A clear image of the scene you want to describe. It could certainly stay exactly as it is and be fine, but here are some suggestions you may wish to explore–or ignore.

I think it might be better to put "the " before "burnt leaves", as it will make the burnt leaves appear more as a cohesivegroup, and maybe just a comma after " leaves" instead of an em dash. You also might try "whispers" rather than "whispering":
he whispers
it whispers
they whisper
 
You would need to introduce "is" before "Whispering" to make it work this way.

he is whispering
they are whispering.

These are not large things, but they do cause a bit of disruption in the poem. Even unconsciously this effects the reader, and their opinion of the poem.

dale

[Tiger the Lion]

Thanks everyone. Dale, all good points. I originally used "whispers", then changed it. I wanted this to hinge on the word "incredible". One of those bastardized words, misused almost as often as "awesome". I was attempting to use the common meaning and the correct one simultaneously. If that makes any sense. - Paul

[Erthona]

You were trying to be purposely ambiguous?

Oh, I meant to ask you, did you mean leaves that are partially burnt, but no longer burning, or a partially burnt that is still burning?

dale

[Tiger the Lion]

Yes, I was purposely being ambiguous. Sorry.
I meant it as a smoldering leaf pile. Leaves dying a second death. And a promise in the wind. (true or false)

Just made some minor edits based on your input. Thank you.

[cjchaffin]

hiya Paul. i've read this a dozen times now and i keep wanting to post something meaningful.

but all i have is this:

i think this is beautiful and sad and it makes me want to race the wind alongside leaves like i did when i was six.

[Muggler]

I envision a forest fire, sparks flying, the wind enticing the fire to spread.

[billy]

i like the poem, though the first two words [wind whispers] makes it seem like the the wind is asking to be chased, yet i want to see the leaves being chased by the wind

wind whispers to burnt leaves,
" I'm incredible, 
you oughta be chasing me".

[Tiger the Lion]

i like the poem, though the first two words [wind whispers] makes it seem like the the wind is asking to be chased, yet i want to see the leaves being chased by the wind

wind whispers to burnt leaves,
" I'm incredible, 
you oughta be chasing me".

Billy, you are right on both counts. The leaves are being chased by the wind. The wind suggests it "oughta" be the other way round. 
Paul