The Seesaw Accord

[Tiger the Lion]

We teetered and tottered;
threw off sandbags to lift one another,
and gracefully fell
to watch the other rise,
swearing to not jump off
if we ever hit bottom.

[ellajam]

We teetered and tottered;
threw off sandbags to lift one another,
and bravely
fell to watch the other rise,
swearing to not jump off
if we ever hit bottom.

I like this, it's one of my life views well said. I don't think you need "and bravely"', I particularly like the sandbags, and have no problem with "fell", for me it didn't imply "fell off", just the drop. Thanks for posting it.

[billy]

i removed my comment as it seems the it said rise and not fall

the last line is all about trust which is often misplaced, i always jumped off

[ellajam]

i removed my comment as it seems the it said rise and not fall

the last line is all about trust which is often misplaced, i always jumped off

Ha, me too, but the poem just says they swear to not jump, not that they won't.

[Tiger the Lion]

Billy, Marcella, - I changed "bravely" to "gracefully". I think it addresses some of your points. For me it's a much "bigger" word in this context. I'm glad I went back over the comments on this one tonight. Thank you, - Paul

[billy]

a decent edit. though i have never threw sandbags off a seesaw. i missed out on so much fun it seems

[Tiger the Lion]

a decent edit. though i have never threw sandbags off a seesaw. i missed out on so much fun it seems

You see, that'll leave you stuck at the bottom, bored, and ready to jump off. 

[Erthona]

We never had sandbags

dale

[ellajam]

We never had sandbags

dale

I've got some extras I can lend you.

[Tiger the Lion]

I think we bring sandbags into every new relationship. Romantic or otherwise. We either carry 'em or chuck 'em. Writing them down is a bit like chucking them for me,

Thanks for reading guys.