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Current world news
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10-01-2014, 12:48 AM
Current world news
Focused on ants at the sink while there’s a bear at the open door. €rthona ©2014
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't. 
10-01-2014, 04:41 AM
If I was a school teacher that didn't care about your feelings, I'd rewrite your poem:
Focused on ants in the sink there's a bear at the door. Line breaks and everything.
10-01-2014, 06:53 AM
rowens,
Thanks for the comment. Although more streamlined in your version, by removing the "while" you take away the inference that the ant killer is aware of, but ignoring the bear, and that volition is very integral to the thesis of the poem. It also places the two things "bear" and "ants" in the same time frame, which I wanted to be overt, not simply an inference. However, I will concede your version has the look of a very Post-modernistic poem like dark ink upon an off white glossy page. In terms of "in" vs. "on" the sink, the ants can't be in the sink because the sink is the Mediterranean sea and they would drown. I could say "upon" the sink, but I don't want too. I will take you revision under advisement when I come back to this later. However as I have no feelings, you can feel free to rewrite my poems anytime you want. I would do the same for you, except due to the density and length of your writing, I always have to take a nap around the midpoint, and then finish afterwards, and I have nothing left to do such a thing as rewriting your writing. dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
10-01-2014, 10:00 PM
I don't watch the news or read the paper. But there are ants and bears around here.
10-02-2014, 12:14 AM
rowens,
Well that's good. There are ants but no bears where I live. I used to live in Yellowstone park until it erupted into a super volcano and killed all the bears and most of the ants. I had to fly south to the Andes until there was no ash, but that was a long time ago. where I live now we have a big brass statue of Stevie Ray Vaughn, and ducks, salamanders too. Oh yeah, the Texas horned toad is making a comeback, they love to eat ants. dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't. 
10-02-2014, 03:54 AM
(10-01-2014, 12:48 AM)Erthona Wrote: Current world news I know, I try not to think about it. Well, I do think about the actual ants and bears, we got both, but that big stuff's scary.
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips
10-02-2014, 06:09 AM
Your short poem made me think - I guess that was your object! So, if the ants in the sink are refugees drowning in the Mediterranean, and the bear at the door is Russia, are you pointing out that the world is focused on the Middle East while it is Russia that actually presents the larger problem? Or is this a bear that will eat the ants and drink up the sea? And why is the door open? Open Door policy of Europe - that doesn't open doors to refugees, so it's a cynical attitude?
10-02-2014, 07:31 AM
JM,
This of course this works on the immediate world stage (except the ants were supposed to be terrorist, that's why you are killing them  ) but it is also archetypal: doing busy work so one can ignore the big problem. If you wish, the main door is open, but the screen door is there, which is Ukraine . Anyway, pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. dale ______________________________________________________________________ L-ahjam, "I know, I try not to think about it. Well, I do think about the actual ants and bears, we got both, but that big stuff's scary." This is like when we were young, and you constantly had that little spot of terror in your mind. Knowing that any minute the world could come to an end. What fun! dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
10-02-2014, 07:53 AM
(10-02-2014, 07:31 AM)Erthona Wrote: _____________________________________________________________________ Did you lose it? I never did.
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips
10-02-2014, 08:41 AM
"Did you lose it? I never did."
When the walls came a tumbling down, I eradicated it and filled fear of death from sex in it's place. -------------------------------- Gilligan to Mariann, My Dad beat me all the time. That's terrible! How else was I going to learn to play chess? dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't. |
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