a haiku

[cjchaffin]

sundown -
moonflowers
climb my trellis

[Tamara]

sundown -
moonflowers
climb my trellis

the contrasting image of the sun going down and the moonflowers climbing work well here. 

[billy]

not sure the cut is good enough as a counter part,

sundown -
moonflowers
climb my trellis

a suggestion to make a more defined tack eksewhere;

sundown

moon flowers climb my trellis-
the gutter needs cleaning

[ChristopherSea]

not sure the cut is good enough as a counter part,

sundown -
moonflowers
climb my trellis

a suggestion to make a more defined tack eksewhere;

sundown

moon flowers climb my trellis-
the gutter needs cleaning

That's cool, billy  

[cjchaffin]

sundown -
moonflowers
climb my trellis

the contrasting image of the sun going down and the moonflowers climbing work well here. 

thank you tamara 

[cjchaffin]

not sure the cut is good enough as a counter part,

sundown -
moonflowers
climb my trellis

a suggestion to make a more defined tack eksewhere;

sundown

moon flowers climb my trellis-
the gutter needs cleaning

ha! point taken...i shall think on this. thanks billy.

[donbouquet]

I might replace the "my" in order to keep the ego/human in the distance.
but that is just me.

[rayheinrich]

a wonderful haiku:

sundown -
moonflowers
climb my trellis

sublime yin/yang balance


and how I'd like to climb her trellis and clean out her gutter
(billy made me think this)

[cjchaffin]

I might replace the "my" in order to keep the ego/human in the distance.
but that is just me.

hmm, hadn't thought about that! thanks!

[cjchaffin]

a wonderful haiku:

sundown -
moonflowers
climb my trellis

sublime yin/yang balance


and how I'd like to climb her trellis and clean out her gutter
(billy made me think this)

thanks! 

also...ha!

[just mercedes]

Good one.

[rayheinrich]

I might replace the "my" in order to keep the ego/human in the distance.
but that is just me.

hmm, hadn't thought about that! thanks!

The 'my' is in keeping with the spirit of haiku.
Haiku's basis is human observation/comparison/interaction of/to/with nature.
Of course a "my" is optional; but haiku (like any other form of art and
especially one based on language) is the product of a human observer.

Real egotism is the pretense that it isn't.

[billy]

i'd also say the my is a major part of the line, other wise it creates a 2nd cut which the authour doesn't want; without the my he could be writing about any flowers and any trellis. here he.observing them on his trellis,

[bena]

another em dash....


great haiku...

make up your own rules, I usually do....but in most haiku/senryu the line breaks become the punctuation.

[cjchaffin]

Good one.

I might replace the "my" in order to keep the ego/human in the distance.
but that is just me.

hmm, hadn't thought about that! thanks!

The 'my' is in keeping with the spirit of haiku.
Haiku's basis is human observation/comparison/interaction of/to/with nature.
Of course a "my" is optional; but haiku (like any other form of art and
especially one based on language) is the product of a human observer.

Real egotism is the pretense that it isn't.

i'd also say the my is a major part of the line, other wise it creates a 2nd cut which the authour doesn't want; without the my he could be writing about any flowers and any trellis. here he.observing them on his trellis,

another em dash....


great haiku...

make up your own rules, I usually do....but in most haiku/senryu the line breaks become the punctuation.

thanks all. i'll keep the "my" for now.

melificent, don't you make fun of my em dash!!   i know haiku is generally punctuation free