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Ding Dong
I was famous once.
Then the cult of personality
tore me in the tabloids,
crucified me in celluloid,
and hung me by a rope
of my own making;
until I was
dead-dead-dead!
–Erthona
©2014
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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There's something odd about the start of your second line with "Then the"
Look at me go man. Eventually I'll keep hacking away at poems until there's nothing left.
I'll be there in a minute.
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You're right. I knew that and didn't correct it. Thanks for pointing that out, it should read
"I was famous once,
before the cult of personality..."
I'm also glad it's not beyond the length of short form, I don't know how long that is, but I know you do
Dale .
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
Posts: 1,325
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Which witch? No, I don't want to know.
Happy fourth, you two, stay safe.
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips
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Bang-pop-zowie
U2
xoxoxoxo
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
Posts: 786
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Joined: May 2014
Hey Dale. I really like this one. I've come back to it a few times and only have minor notes of mostly personal preference.
(07-04-2014, 08:18 AM)Erthona Wrote: Ding Dong
I was famous once. Great starting tone
Then the cult of personality "'till" might sound more conversational,
tore me in the tabloids, my favorite line
crucified me in celluloid,
and hung me by a rope
of my own making; of my own braiding?
until I was
dead-dead-dead! I like the last line. There might be other punctuation options, but I'm sure you've weighed them.
–Erthona
©2014
