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Unwelcome Villain
your evil energy will
seep into the light
first at the edges
like a slow creep
of mold growth
then, evil Villain
at the edges –
you will be
that flame burning
a piece of parchment
The light ochre-yellow
parchment holding
beautiful prose,
poetry and musings
will burn up like
a moth in a lantern
after you stained
every word and
every writer
once again
Unwelcome Villain
better is the woman
who has never lived
than she to live and see
the evil that is done
under the sun.
© 6/16/2010
[poem about a yahoo poetry group where I left and then found a different site to post and then the owner of that "nasty" group recently joined the other site and I am frustrated - seems I can't escape the person.]
Bianca 
Posts: 5,057
Threads: 1,075
Joined: Dec 2009
06-20-2010, 08:23 PM
(This post was last modified: 06-21-2010, 07:23 AM by billy.)
(06-20-2010, 12:01 PM)Bianca Alabaster Wrote: Unwelcome Villain
your evil energy will
seep into the light
first at the edges
like a slow creep
of mold growth
then, evil Villain
at the edges –
you will be [you'll be]
that flame burning
a piece of parchment
The light ochre-yellow
parchment holding
beautiful prose,
poetry and musings
will burn up like
a moth in a lantern
after you stained [stain]?
every word and
every writer
once again
Unwelcome Villain
better is the woman
who has never lived
than she to live and see [feels a little awkward B] how about;
the evil that is done [than lived to see]
under the sun.
© 6/16/2010
[poem about a yahoo poetry group where I left and then found a different site to post and then the owner of that "nasty" group recently joined the other site and I am frustrated - seems I can't escape the person.]
i read it before but never got chance to reply Bianca
yes you can
a good rant poem that says what you mean to say
i really like the first 4 lines of the 2nd stanza
thanks for posting it. what does he do that makes him so bad?
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Your description of the unwelcome villain is good: destructive and insidious. (really the worst types)
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
Posts: 110
Threads: 31
Joined: May 2010
thanks Billy and Addy, and wow your suggestions are right on! I didn't see those but they are perfect, I'll fix the poem.
What did he do? well to put it short, he let people trash each other after a poem was posted called "America is a Cancer". I tried to get people back to other poetry but it was awful. folks told "me" to grow up because I left the group after deleting all my poems and posting a poem called jetstream. they called me a bitch and a cunt and a 5 year old. I also didn't put up with other Americans agreeing with the concept of celebrating 9/11 and that "yeah - america is a cancer alright" so I spoke my truth. People wrote my private email and harassed me. 5 others left the yahoo group it was so bad.
Bianca
Posts: 43
Threads: 12
Joined: Jun 2010
The first stanza WINS. I know a few people who are EXACTLY like that. I'm not sure I'm completely comfortable with the last two lines; they sound good together, but I feel that putting a space between them gives it a pause dramatic enough to show the fury that you're trying to both express and hold back.
I'm not sure if I'm making any sense ^^;
Posts: 5,057
Threads: 1,075
Joined: Dec 2009
well here members can only comment on the poem
they can't troll the poem or the poet. and arguing
in a poem thread isn't allowed.
so no poet will get that kind of shit here.
