Secret Spinner
Little did you know when you drew this
that you were the secret spinner,
misspelled at first then finding your way.
You spun your way through a beautiful life
that ended one day, too soon, but one day,
one day. You spilled your loveliness on all
that you touched, even your life, spinning
your way to eternity, but leaving traces of yourself
in other grateful lives.
What can I say, little secret spinner,
that your love satisfied my soul,
that we ate raisins and watched Shumbach together,
or that I held you close and rocked you?
No, no. No one will remember that.
Only I and you, little secret spinner.
I can't wait to see what you have spun,
what you have done,
since I sang to you, Sit by the fire and spinaway,
spin, spin, spinaway.
Posts: 5,057
Threads: 1,075
Joined: Dec 2009
05-23-2010, 01:14 PM
(This post was last modified: 05-23-2010, 04:15 PM by billy.)
(05-23-2010, 01:09 PM)smarwar Wrote: Secret Spinner
Little did you know when you drew this
that you were the secret spinner,
misspelled at first then finding your way.
You spun your way through a beautiful life
that ended one day, too soon, but one day,
one day. You spilled your loveliness on all
that you touched, even your life, spinning
your way to eternity, but leaving traces of yourself
in other grateful lives.
What can I say, little secret spinner,
that your love satisfied my soul,
that we ate raisins and watched Shumbach together,
or that I held you close and rocked you?
No, no. No one will remember that.
Only I and you, little secret spinner.
I can't wait to see what you have spun,
what you have done,
since I sang to you, Sit by the fire and spinaway,
spin, spin, spinaway.
i loved these lines;
that we ate raisins and watched Shumbach together, i have no idea what shumbach is...a pet perhaps?
You spilled your loveliness on all
that you touched, even your life, spinning
your way to eternity, feels sad yet so uplifting. as though a great deed was done.
obviously about a loved one though we don't get to see what was drawn.
very poignant and lovely
Posts: 805
Threads: 374
Joined: Dec 2009
so much depth of feeling behind these words. And the way you ended the poem with those last couple of lines was just gold, imo.
Thank you so much for this
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
Thank you so much for your comments. Please go to my website to view the pic. You see it was drawn by my beloved granddaughter, Krystal, who died very untimely at 15, hit by a car (no drunk involved, nothing but an accident, sustaining a severe head injury, they could never get the blood back to her brain because of neck injuries too, and so many of her organs were given to others (per a former request made one day by her when talking to her stepmother), and they helped others live. Shumbach is a (or was, I think he is dead now) a tv preacher, Krystal was only about 3 or so and I had her every weekend of her life until she was 5 and then I took permanent care of her and her 2 sibs for 3 years, till mom could get it back together. We were very close; I still cannot think of her or read this poem and others I have written without weeping. Thank you so much for reading this and for liking it. When I took care of all my kids, I always had favorite poems, verse I contrived from others that I sang or spoke when changing diapers, rocking, etc. The last two lines were one of Krystal's--who as the nursery rhyme character who sat by the fire and spun? I'll have to look it up.
Sharon
Posts: 5,057
Threads: 1,075
Joined: Dec 2009
sometimes it' can be hard to give feedback on personal poetry because one doesn't want or intend to cause hurt.
thankfully i never saw anything that didn't work for me apart from the shcumach thing. thanks for clearing that up. 
she sounds like a very special person.
Posts: 805
Threads: 374
Joined: Dec 2009
Such beautiful memories of her. It means a lot that you're sharing this
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
Thanks for an amenable place to share! And we did used to watch Shumbach, not that anybody cared about the message, but that she enjoyed it, especially the chocolate-covered raisins(organic of course).
Sharon
Posts: 13
Threads: 66
Joined: Dec 2009
right from the heart,thank you
- the partially blind semi bald eagle
Bastard Elect
Posts: 54
Threads: 33
Joined: Feb 2010
IMO, Personal poems are better. To me, I can pour out all my feelings and emotions. If it's personal and I am writing about something I've experienced. This was just beautiful. Despite the fact, it being sad.. I enjoyed it. one of my favorites, I've ever read on this site. Also, Rip to your niece 
You spilled your loveliness on all
that you touched, even your life, spinning
your way to eternity, but leaving traces of yourself
in other grateful lives.
^ awesome.
I also like the way you ended this poem.
The only thing I had a problem with was your format.
To me, the poem format seemed more of an essay format.
It would have been clearer and easier to read, if you had stanza's.
Love blind 
What a lovely response. I'm happy that it touched your heart, as she touched mine, and that I could describe in a way you could understand. That is what poetry is about, imho.
Sharon
|
