Elegy

[71degrees]

It is too soon, too soon;
even the apricot whirl
daffodils arranged outside
cannot bear what
you had to offer

Between all the breathing
in and the breathing out,
we wait while fir branches
thicken for another autumn

[billy]

i really want to understand this because i like it.
the title sort of explains the poem is about moving on but not just yet.
then on the other hand it feels a little like the 1st person is angry with
2nd person who passed on.

anyway, if i had constructive feedback it would be to let me in on it a bit more

thanks for the read.

[ellajam]

"cannot bear what
you had to offer"

I'd like to hear your reasoning for the tense change here. It rings as off, but that may be just what you want.

A lovely read.

[71degrees]

"cannot bear what
you had to offer"

I'd like to hear your reasoning for the tense change here. It rings as off, but that may be just what you want.

A lovely read.


Thanks for your response. Appreciate it. Tense change is b/c "you" has passed away. Since the person is no longer living, it rings as past tense.

71degrees

---

i really want to understand this because i like it.
the title sort of explains the poem is about moving on but not just yet.
then on the other hand it feels a little like the 1st person is angry with
2nd person who passed on.

anyway, if i had constructive feedback it would be to let me in on it a bit more

thanks for the read.



Thanks for the reply. Nothing really to let you in on. You've got it.

71degrees