Ranting

[1skylande1]

This is my very first attempt at poetry; therefore, it is free verse and more like narrating than poem.

Have i told you yet?
I dream of you
Tirelessly, endlessly, and continuously.
Have i told you yet?
I want
To hear your voice,
To see your smile,
To hold your hand,
And never let you go.
Have i told you yet,
About this odd feeling?
It is there,always.
Playing, sleeping, and studying
Not once, has it gone away.
Have i told you yet?
I am
Captured, strangled, and tortured
By my own unrequited love
For you.

[Volaticus]

Hi,
I don't think the title fits too well.
You say it yourself, it's more narrative than anything else. You can work from that. You need to incorporate some images, instead of just saying things straight out. You have to show the reader instead of just telling. Show the reader how much the narrator wants this other person, how much he/she wants to hear the other persons voice or to see their smile. Show the emotions involved. Sorry I can't be of any more help.
Best,
LB

[1skylande1]

Thank you ^^. i am in process of learning so any idea, suggestion will help me greatly

[Bunx]

This is my very first attempt at poetry; therefore, it is free verse and more like narrating than poem.

Have i told you yet?
I dream of you
Tirelessly, endlessly, and continuously.
Have i told you yet?

I want
To hear your voice,
To see your smile,
To hold your hand,
And never let you go.

Have i told you yet,
About this odd feeling?
It is there,always.
Playing, sleeping, and studying
Not once, has it gone away.

Have i told you yet?
I am
Captured, strangled, and tortured
By my own unrequited love
For you.

Really like your poem sky! I think if you separated your poems into stanzas it would isolate your ideas and make them more presentable. I just chopped it up in a way I saw your poetic themes! thanks alot!